


sunflower, don’t wilt

by taeilstummy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort (kinda), Insecurities, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Pining, Practice Kissing, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Summer, Underage Drinking, sexual tension (non-explicit), taeyong as donghyuck’s brother, unexplained powers, weight issues (nothing major)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21697348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeilstummy/pseuds/taeilstummy
Summary: Jaemin was right about them growing, changing, manifesting from sheltered seedlings into brazen sunflowers with their heads tilted towards an unforgiving sun.-Everything Donghyuck writes begins happening to his best friend, Jaemin.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 134
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	sunflower, don’t wilt

**Author's Note:**

> [for prompt #0067]

The idea for his latest novel came to him as all ideas did, forged by an arbitrary compilation of useless conversations between friends and scenes from animated movies Donghyuck should've grown out of years ago. As an amateur author with zero grasp of longevity, ideas swarmed the crevices of his brain on the daily, many abruptly discarded, many started only to never be finished, and — ever so rarely — a few that managed to reach a stage of completion (although inevitably never published anywhere, because after the third read-through he deemed them appalling).

Donghyuck was in last period science class, engulfed in the humidity of the dawning summer. A body of twenty-five classmates spilled tired exhalations in near-unison, shuffling irritably in their seats to the rhythm of their teacher rambling on about something to do with Isaac Newton. Much to the chagrin of said teacher, Donghyuck didn't care enough to decipher the words streaming through his ears. Physics was practically incomprehensible as it was, and the heat did nothing to appease his lack of enthusiasm. 

He eventually disconnected his brain from his ears altogether, leaving only the soft hum of the sun's scorch. Donghyuck always wondered why the summer heat seemed to buzz with melancholy, but he'd never thought to seek an answer. He probably never would, because the question left his mind quicker than it ever arrived.

When he paused to bask in his stuffiness for a moment, thinking about all the ways he could uselessly waste his summer, the aforementioned idea hit. It was quite a mediocre idea, by Donghyuck's standards, but the rush of sudden inspiration was like an oasis in a desert of physics terminology. His hands worked tirelessly to jot down a quick summary, and as the final bell rang, Donghyuck's fingertips were sweaty from the vice grip he'd had on his pen. He shoved his books into his bag with a flutter of a satisfied smile even before the teacher had dismissed them, and weaved his way through the cluttered hallway to meet Jaemin outside his math class. The slightly younger boy greeted him with a smile, and together they strolled in languid synchronicity out of the school grounds as the bright sun beat down against their chests. 

Donghyuck brought up his new idea, of course, to which Jaemin merely tutted a, “So, lesbian art adventure?”, and Donghyuck barrelled his elbow into the others' side. 

"Your oversimplification wounds me, Na."

Jaemin shrugged, hitched up his backpack, and smiled (which, in combination with his sun-induced squint, rendered his eyes barely visible. Since Donghyuck's own sight was compromised, all he could see was teeth. Lots and lots of beaming teeth). "My thoughts are nothing if not an oversimplification."

Donghyuck snorted in agreeance. 

Jaemin continued in an accusatory tone. "I don't know why you tell me about every single idea you have. They all get trashed anyway.”

Donghyuck rolled his head back in mock-exasperation. Jaemin had a point, sure, but Donghyuck couldn't help but to get giddy over his hobbies, however fruitless, and Jaemin just so happened to be the only person that listened to him about them. "Because you're my darling best friend and you must have insight into my brain at all times, perhaps?"

"Ah, yes, of course." And then, if possible, Donghyuck was staring into an abyss of even more teeth. "Although," his words twisted at the end with a vindictive playfulness, "I doubt you'd want me to return the favour."

Donghyuck's mind immediately went to a dark, irrefutably PG-13 place. He had no doubt that his friend was into some weird shit (it was _always_ the seemingly normal ones with something to hide) but he let it slide and uttered a, "Let me guess... A constant loop of some scene from Into The Spider-Verse?" to be on the safe side.

Apparently, Jaemin wasn't against taking it there, albeit not at all in the way Donghyuck was expecting. "Close, but no... Right now I'm outlining a plan to infiltrate Chenle's laptop and sign him up to a few questionable porn sites. Maybe a few viruses." He grinned. 

"You're a dick, y'know that right?" 

"But I'm also your _darling_ best friend, so..." The twinkle in his eye — partially the result of sunlight, but also very much a cesspool of Jaemin's mischief — made Donghyuck's eyebrows dart skywards. The action allowed even more sunlight to swarm his own vision, earning a terse wince.

"...Please don't say you're asking me to do the immoral, the _unthinkable_ ," Hyuck gasped dramatically. His five weeks of drama club really pulled through in situations like these.

"You just have to keep him distracted for a few minutes," Jaemin begged.

Donghyuck paused a beat to feign contemplation. Jaemin looked on with a telling smile plastered across his face as though he already knew what Donghyuck's answer would be, though it didn't stop him from grinning even wider when Donghyuck let out a huffed, "Okay, sure, I'm down."

They spent the rest of the walk home complaining about classes, and school in general, and the nights that only grew warmer as summer drew nearer; Jaemin was excited to make use of his pool as soon as summer was upon them, whereas Donghyuck just craved some peace and quiet — maybe a hefty amount of iced lemonade, too. Summer was for gluttony and regret. 

When it was time for Jaemin to turn off into his street, he stood before Donghyuck and murmured his usual parting "I love you."

He said it often enough — multiple times a day, to be precise — but Donghyuck's trigger response was _still_ to pull the corners of his mouth into abhorrence, to feign resistance for whatever subconscious reason; especially when it was just the two of them, embalmed in an air of perspiration and the subtlety of intimacy. 

Jaemin was always like this, ever the endearing ball of sunshine with far too much love to give. It bristled from him in rays, enlightening those that neared him. Donghyuck was mostly the same, although his motives felt very much different. His clinginess was often a front, centred on sarcasm and exaggeration or to make other people feel better about themselves if he sensed a decline. He liked to think of himself as a speck of moonlight - a brightness unfurled from the outer reaches of darkness. Real sentimentality often left him feeling a little insecure, if he was honest, and he sought comfort in the dark veil that shrouded his solitude. But outwardly, he was a star. 

Alas, he didn't like to dwell on his grievances. The closest he ever got to unveiling his carefully guarded emotions was projecting onto his characters, his own personality traits woven neatly between the curve of each letter he wrote. He was content with it staying that way. 

Jaemin coughed, and Donghyuck shook the sudden thoughts from his head and looked to the other boy. He felt his cheeks burn — whether caused by the sun or from being caught in a state of obliviousness, he wasn't sure — as he repeated the phrase back to Jaemin in the most sullen tone he could possibly muster. (Sometimes, if Donghyuck didn't say it back to him straight away, Jaemin would progressively say it louder and louder, gartering for Donghyuck's attention. Hyuck figured that Jaemin should stop watching Into The Spider-Verse as much as he did.) Yet, as his vision filled with rays of ivory sunlight and the sight of Jaemin strolling towards his house, Donghyuck smiled to himself. Jaemin was one of the only non-fictional constants he could rely on, and he was pretty blessed to have such a warm, doting constant. 

Donghyuck plugged in his earphones and let the rhythm of The 1975 accompany his walk home. It was a short journey, considering he and Jaemin only lived a street away, and when he unlocked his front door he was met with a desolate house, as he often was. He discarded his shoes, fluffed his hair up in the mirror because the heat had turned any volume he once had into a greasy chocolate pancake, and trekked dismally upstairs. Once in the comfort of his air-conditioned bedroom, he stripped to his boxers and t-shirt and dumped the contents of his backpack onto his desk, ready to build upon his earlier writings. 

The initial seed of an idea was the most exciting — it was potential. In an act of watering that seed, he wrote down a slew of new ideas frolicking in his head, compiling a sort-of outline chunkier than the mere summary he'd written earlier. After that, he began working on characterisation. The thing that really solidified ideas — for Donghyuck, at least — was creating characters, giving them unique traits and assigning them names. He was a firm believer that naming your characters was the pinnacle of writing a novel, much like the naming of a newborn child. Donghyuck himself used pop culture to aid him in name-choosing, often using variations of names of fictional characters or celebrities as a way to slip some semblance of personality into a name that otherwise belonged to a blank entity. For his current novel, he decided on Jasmin and Kei. 

Finally, he wrote a list of tropes to potentially include. Donghyuck was a sucker for certain overbearingly sappy, cliché tropes — opposites attracting, for one. It was a vastly overdone narrative but he loved it, mainly because characterising such obvious contrasts gave way to stark visuals and interesting discussions. After very little deliberation, he decided that that was exactly how his newest novel was going to pan out.

Fire and ice, sun and moon, pen and paper — matrimonially unbalanced, as all interesting things were.

~*~

"You should start coming to crafts club after summer break," Renjun was telling Jaemin as Donghyuck hooked a leg over the cafeteria seats. A typical lunch ensued, Renjun and Jaemin on one side of the table and Donghyuck, Jeno and Yangyang on the other. Yangyang's green lunchbox was filled with literally just Oreos, but Donghyuck was past the point of scrutinising his meal options. It was better than some of his other lunches at least.

As his friends discussed art and dance clubs, neither of which he was particularly interested in, Donghyuck slid out his notebook and began to write mindlessly, the exhaustion of classes flowing through his fingertips in an endless stream. He didn't realise that the bell had rang until Jeno began poking harshly at his shoulder and he looked around, scatterbrained, to see people already pouring from the cafeteria. He scrambled to put his things away and realised that, shit, he hadn't actually eaten any of his lunch. Jaemin tutted at him and stole the untouched bar of chocolate from his lunchbox, slipping it into his own pocket. 

On their way out of the cafeteria, Jaemin knocked their elbows together and reminded Hyuck about their plan to mess with Chenle after school (the details of which arrived via text at around 10pm the night before. All Jaemin had written was ' _Jisung said they'll be in the library tomorrow, we're on_ ').

As the last few minutes of Literature class ticked by and his upcoming role in petty sabotage drew nearer, Donghyuck wondered whether playing with Chenle's MacBook was too drastic a means of pranking somebody. He considered himself a pretty moral person, mostly, and for a second he felt a glimmer of guilt work its way into his gut. But _then_ he remembered that Chenle's parents could probably fund laptops for the entirety of their dingy high school, let alone Chenle, so... To hell capitalism and all that. 

Besides, Jaemin wasn't very technologically advanced, especially not enough to cause any permanent damage to Chenle's MacBook, and Chenle being Chenle he probably had multiple anti-virus programs installed anyway. At most, Chenle would have a hefty amount of weird porn links in his search history and a few sign-up verification emails.

Still, Jaemin was a dick. 

The aforementioned dick was already waiting for Donghyuck by the time he reached the library, leant against the wall with Hyuck's deserted chocolate bar in his mouth. Better Jaemin than him having to succumb the bland taste of Hershey's chocolate anyway.

"So, what's the plan?"

"No specific plan, really. You just have to steer him away from his MacBook long enough for me to do some damage," Jaemin shrugged languidly. The drag of the last few weeks must've been getting to him, Donghyuck thought — there was no other reason he'd willingly stay behind just to pull some stupid, half-assed prank. Donghyuck's choice words for his idea were 'dumb as fuck', but hey, it was a Friday and Donghyuck had nothing better to do than humour his best friend.

When Jaemin lifted his hand to take another bite of chocolate, though, Donghyuck's entire body froze in a momentary state of alarm.

"What's that?" 

"What's what?" Jaemin asked, but he'd already followed Donghyuck's pointed gaze and sought an answer before Donghyuck was able to reply. "Oh, I was bored."

He held out his arm, the brown Hershey's wrapper still clasped between his fingers. An unmistakable drawing of a lion adorned the back of his hand and Donghyuck's eyes bugged a fraction wider, immediately procuring the words he'd written mere hours ago at the forefront of his mind.

"It's a lion, and I'm a Leo," Jaemin said in response to an unspoken question beckoned forth by the look on Donghyuck's face.

"It's not that," Hyuck corrected. "I just had a really weird case of déjà vu... I started writing my new novel earlier and I literally described the main character drawing that exact same thing in the exact same place."

Jaemin's face remained blank for a few moments, a slight dent above his left eyebrow as the tips of his mouth downturned in thought, but then he slowly began to grin. 

"Maybe it's fate," he taunted, turning his fingers into bent claws in some sort of ghost mimicry. The teasing 'Boo!' wasn't spoken, but Donghyuck heard an echo of it in Jaemin's usual whiny tone nonetheless. He huffed, redirecting his dubious stare from Jaemin's hand, and as they entered the library Jaemin continued to babble away as though Donghyuck's coincidence was the most normal and boring thing he'd heard all day. "Y'know, I think I've gotten better at drawing animals. I might actually join the art club this year..."

"You should," was all Donghyuck replied, slinking behind Jaemin as they entered the library. And then they were towering over Chenle and Jisung, coincidental unease forgotten as the realisation dawned that something more idiotic was about to begin. Jisung grinned up at them with a lot of gum, the knowledge of what was going on twinkling behind his eyes. He apparently lovingly hated his best friend more than Donghyuck did his own. Chenle, poorly oblivious, offered them a flicker of a glance before looking back down at his MacBook, unbothered.

Donghyuck put on the whiniest voice he could muster, ready to propel his acting career, and let out a prolonged "Chenle..." 

His stare remained locked on his book, not a single hair shifting at Donghyuck's beckon. "Yes..."

"Remember when I asked you for help with math homework and you told me to go away, so I asked why you were such a shithead and you told me to go read a book?"

Incredulous, Chenle looked up, wondering where the hell the conversation was going.

"Well I was wondering whether you knew any good math study guides? For me to take home over the summer?" 

Chenle was still staring at Hyuck in disbelief, his mouth parted slightly in a mutilated half-smirk. His eyes darted from Donghyuck to Jaemin, as though he was trying to figure out if this was some sort of prank, which was very intuitive of him considering that it was, in fact, a prank. After getting no reaction though, he muttered an, "Are you serious?", to which Donghyuck simply nodded with as much solemness as he could contrive. 

Chenle agreed and stood with dubious conviction, like a remote controlled car being forced to move an inch by no will of its own. 

Donghyuck did a spectacular job of pretending to be interested in math textbooks for the following ten minutes. He selected three of them and even wasted another five minutes making Chenle carry them to the main desk for him to check out, although he knew they were destined to be left untouched on his bedroom floor for the next eight weeks until he bothered to return them. (Chenle complained throughout the entire fifteen minutes because "Me and Jisung need to finish our science project". Little did he know it was as much an inconvenience for Donghyuck as it was for Chenle, considering Donghyuck didn't give a single fuck about math and pretending as such took far too much effort than he was usually willing to give for same lame prank.)

When they finally, finally got back to the table, Hyuck didn't even get a chance to see the consequences of the prank in action because Jaemin was gripping his arm and impatiently tugging him out of the library. Confused, he simply followed, but as he reached the entrance of the library, he heard it:

Porn, playing loudly from Chenle's MacBook, in a room occupied by around twelve high schoolers and two disconcerted looking teachers.

Donghyuck and Jaemin darted straight down the corridor and out of the doors to the main building, much to the amusement of several stragglers still collecting items from their lockers. Jaemin let go of Donghyuck's arm when they were a safe distance away, and the latter pulled his sleeve up and rubbed at the red mark that had formed in place of Jaemin's hands. The two of them stilled to catch their breath, Jaemin laughing and Hyuck staring at his poor arm.

"Why'd you have to grip my arm so hard?" Donghyuck groaned.

"Sorry, I knew we didn't have time." He let out a hefty exhale, hands on his knees and cheeks red. "Y'know how PornHub videos have that really short intro?"

"Not at all." But of course Jaemin did. 

"Well... I started playing the video right as I saw y'all walking over, so I knew we only had about five seconds before the audio would start playing. I basically saved your life."

"You're the one that put it in danger to begin with, you absolute _idiot_ ," Donghyuck huffed, his lungs deflating a little. "I thought you were gonna sign him up to a few websites, not mortify the poor kid." 

Jaemin's lips veered out into a grin and he playfully poked Hyuck in the side, earning an irritated yelp in return. "God, I wish I saw his face. I only got to see one of the librarians, _she_ looked mortified."

"You're a dick, Na."

Jaemin stood up and shifted brown strands of his hair back into place. "But you love me and you'll probably call me later to laugh about it, so. May as well just admit I'm hilarious now."

Donghyuck couldn't help but smile at the other boy's conviction, at his sparkling eyes and glowing cheeks. "Sure," he grouched. "You're funny, sometimes."

Jaemin's grin grew wider, and Donghyuck remarked just how often that specific action occurred, how positively gleaming Jaemin always seemed to be. He looped his arm through Donghyuck's and picked up the hand with the faint red mark. "Want me to kiss your boo-boo better?"

Donghyuck shoved him off with the alluring thought of throttling him. Jaemin grabbed his wrist again in retaliation, dragging his arms back to his side and clasping his fingers around the inner seams of Donghyuck's jacket.

They walked the rest of the way home with their arms linked, despite the sheet of sweat forming between them. 

~*~

Chenle was _not_ happy, to say the least. 

Jaemin and Donghyuck didn't hear a peep from him during the weekend, so they figured things were okay. 

They were thoroughly incorrect to think that.

He stormed up to them the following Monday with Jisung in tow and plonked himself down at the cafeteria table right next to Jaemin, absolutely seething. Funnily enough, Jaemin was right in the middle of telling the story to the rest of the gang. If Donghyuck remembered correctly, the last words to leave his mouth before Chenle had settled down next to him were, "He hasn't said anything yet." 

Ah, blissful irony.

"You two are complete and utter assholes," were the first words that he spoke, eyes pointed like arrowheads in Jaemin's direction.

Jisung had calmly seated himself next to Donghyuck at that point, discreetly watching on in his usual monotone way of existing. 

"It was funny..." Jaemin aired lightly, dragging the word on with a hint of a smug smile enunciating each millisecond. 

"I'm _banned_ from the library for the rest of the term, Jaemin." His voice wasn't sad, or angry, just telling. 

"At least you went out with a bang!" Jaemin laughed at his own double entendre and even Renjun let out a little snicker, but when Chenle turned to face him with a combination of hurt and exasperation lining his features, Jaemin quickly uttered an apology. "I'll buy you ice cream to make up for it." 

"Yes, you will." Chenle sighed.

Jaemin's eyebrows drooped, then pinched together, like he was an actor in a theatrical silent movie going through the different phases of grief. "I'm really sorry, I didn't actually think they'd ban you. I can, like, go and tell them it was me, if you want?" 

"But the thing is, it won't matter. You're popular. People are gonna be like _woah, he's so cool, he pulled such a funny prank_. But then they're gonna look at me and be like _oh, he's the dork that got kicked out of the library for blasting teacher student porn_."

At that admission, four voices — including Donghyuck's — proclaimed "Teacher student?!" in equally dismayed tones. 

"Didn't I tell you?" Jaemin chuckled, a tinge of red swelling at his smiling cheeks.

Four voices, again in synchronicity, replied with dismissal. Donghyuck didn't know whether to laugh or cry, his jaw slack as he stared on in disbelief. Jaemin hadn't shared _that_ particular nugget of information. 

Donghyuck decided to save the situation. "Hey, Chenle. Term ends in a few weeks anyway, the entire situation will be forgotten as soon as summer break starts," he bargained, breaking into the air of shock mummifying the table. 

Chenle's eyes turned to narrow in on him. " _You_ shut up. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. Asking about _math books_ , of all things. Asshole."

"Sorry, I didn't want to be involved but Jaemin forced me," he said sweetly.

"Liar," Jaemin cut in, eyes wide. He used his right hand, which was gripping a half-eaten ham and pickle sandwich, to gesture to Hyuck without sparing him a single glance. A lone pickle dropped to the table, to which Jeno and Yangyang began chortling. "He was laughing about it on FaceTime."

"I'll buy you ice cream too, then," Donghyuck protested meekly.

Which is how, three hours later, Donghyuck and Jaemin found themselves perched on the purple seats of Baskin Robbins, accompanied by Chenle and Jisung (who Chenle had invited to claim the second ice cream he was owed).

Donghyuck didn't hang out with Chenle or Jisung much at all considering they were in different grades and Donghyuck hardly had any time to socialise during school term to begin with, but it was refreshing to have them around. He'd known Chenle since they were young because their mothers were close acquaintances, and Jisung was in dance club with Yangyang. Despite the clique's penance for bullying the two of them, they were highly adored. 

"I can't believe you made me buy you lemon flavoured garbage with my own money," Jaemin was whining. Chenle was holding a mushy yellow blob on a cone. Not even Donghyuck thought it looked appetising, and he liked mushrooms, and mayonnaise, and plenty of other considerably disgusting foods.

"It's lemon custard flavoured, it's good."

Jaemin scrunched his nose and continued lapping at his cotton candy flavoured ice cream in the manner of a small kitten. Jisung had gone for something nutty, and Donghyuck had gone for love potion, of course. A blend of raspberry and white chocolate ice cream, with a dash of amateur cliché romance novelist. 

"I wasn't actually expecting you to get us ice cream, though," Chenle added as an afterthought. "I just felt like being dramatic."

Donghyuck snorted. 

"I felt bad." Jaemin rolled his eyes like he was unbothered, but Hyuck knew how bad he felt in actuality. After the whole lunch fiasco, Jaemin had decided to try and put things right, to convince one of the librarians he recognised from the other day that Chenle shouldn't be temporarily banned for Jaemin's misdoings (he left Donghyuck out of it, for which he was thankful). Jaemin eventually charmed her into submission with a lucratively sweet smile and a bat of his lengthy eyelashes, because of course he did. 

They hadn't told Chenle about it yet, they'd just wait for him to receive an email about being unbanned; Jaemin figured it'd be a nice surprise. Chenle seemed unbothered now anyway, eyes wide with brain freeze. Every so often he'd laugh loudly at something Donghyuck or Jaemin said and crease against Jisung's side. Donghyuck smiled fondly at him.

The rest of the day was spent basking in the coldness of ice cream coating his tongue, a perfect contrast to the temperamental weather. The sun held its head high far into the evening, and the beginnings of summer trickled over them as their laughter spilled through the busy store.

~*~

Donghyuck was unable to sleep. He continuously rolled over in an attempt to seek comfort, to feel the makeshift breeze hit his midriff amidst every turn. He eventually gave up and scrambled to the chair by his desk away from the warmth of his laid-in bedsheets. His unlit poster of Michael Jackson bored into his soul. The wooden chair was cool against his sticky thighs and he placed his hands atop the table to feel a similar coolness against his clammy hands. He turned on his lamp and mini fan, and when he was no longer entrapped by the feeling of suffocating warmth he unlocked his phone to check the time. It wasn't yet midnight. 

Figuring his brother may still be at work, he decided to give him a surprise call; unsurprisingly, Taeyong picked up almost instantly.

"Hi!" 

"Any customers or are you free to talk?" Donghyuck asked groggily.

"We're actually just finishing up," he replied, voice gravelly with a hint of drowsy chirpiness. He pulled the phone away from his mouth and Donghyuck heard a distant greeting from Johnny. Donghyuck laughed and repeated the sentiment, but if Johnny said anything else, Donghyuck didn't hear it. All he could hear was whatever noise Taeyong was creating below the phone. 

"Why are you still awake?" lightly scolded Taeyong, pausing his ruckus for just a second. 

Donghyuck groaned out a complaint about the weather, to which Taeyong positively gloated about Johnny going out to buy them iced tea at midnight.

"Johnny's a saint."

Taeyong let out a sort-of giggle. "He'd combust if he heard you say that. His god complex is off the charts."

Donghyuck snorted dubiously. " _What_ god complex? He's a sweetheart." 

"You don't have to work with him all day every day," Taeyong groaned, and Donghyuck heard the slight murmur of a defensive yell coming from somewhere in the background. 

They chatted for a couple more minutes before the conversation seemed to erode, their shared drowsiness squeezing the conversation to pulp. "Still coming to dinner on Wednesday?" Donghyuck asked, a masked way of drawing their call to finality. 

Taeyong hummed. "Of course." 

Donghyuck hummed too. "Good..." Brief silence. "It's getting late, I should try to sleep."

Taeyong agreed and said farewell. The "Night, Hyuckie," resonated in Donghyuck's ears and he smiled, cheeks pressed against the quickly moistening screen of his iPhone. 

"Goodnight Yongie." And then the call disconnected, leaving Donghyuck to his deafeningly quiet room in a numb state between tired and awake. 

He and his brother called quite often, at least once a week, but it was nice to get some extra call time in. They hadn't lived together for a long time, so meetings were restricted to about once a week, too. Taeyong had moved in with Johnny a few years back when their tattoo parlour was still a fresh prospect, and they'd built it from the ground in the years following. He was terribly busy, yet Taeyong still made an effort to be there for his family.

Donghyuck admired his brother, he truly did. He'd always been so passionate and hardworking, even from a young age. Donghyuck still vaguely recalled memories from when he must've been barely a toddler, where he'd sit at the kitchen table and watch Taeyong animatedly scribble colourful streaks across crisp white paper. Donghyuck had tried to take up art as well — he thought he'd have a knack for it considering his father was an illustrator and Taeyong had seemingly been passed down some sort of artistic blessing — but he could never really grasp it. Endless frustration accompanied every attempt. He did, however, love to write. It was probably due to watching too many animated movies, whether it be Disney or Ghibli or Pixar, but he always had such an overactive imagination as a child. Dragons and fairies and generic love stories flittered around his head at any given moment. 

Then, when he was twelve, he came across a website that allowed people to create and post their _own_ generic love stories, and that was where his writing journey began, as rickety and atrocious as it was. But he wanted to work hard at it, like Taeyong worked hard at his art. Back when the latter was a senior in high school, he had a plethora of college offers and their parents were immensely proud of him — Donghyuck didn't really know what college entailed back then so it didn't have much of an effect on him, but what really impressed him was when he was taken to a parent-teacher conference once and saw one of Taeyong's drawings hung up on the wall. He thought it was so cool, and he strived to produce something for himself that people would similarly want to read and discuss. 

When Taeyong eventually found out about Donghyuck's writing hobby, he created a game wherein one of them would write or draw something and the other had to create a writing or drawing based on the others' idea. One of his fondest pieces of writing to look back on was the outcome of one of those games, centred upon an illustration of a badass warrior princess Taeyong had drawn. The dramatic little short story was tucked away in one of the drawers of his desk now, the paper withering yellow but the memory deftly alive in his mind. 

Donghyuck opened his bottom drawer, then, and searched through the piles of paper there, smiling when he found the piece he was looking for. It had pen scrawled on both sides in his messy childish handwriting and a scribble of the warrior princess — courtesy of Taeyong — in the bottom right. He sighed with depletion.

Taeyong eventually grew up and moved on in a way that suited him. Their parents weren't particularly happy when he opted to ditch college in order to start a business, but they ultimately applauded him for his perseverance. He took a leap to achieve his goals without ever bargaining his morality or his dreams, and Donghyuck admired that, hoped to manifest it himself someday. 

And yet, after his brother had moved away and blossomed into his best self, he never once stopped aiding Donghyuck in his quest to do the same, to be better — out of all of Taeyong's qualities, that was perhaps the thing Donghyuck was most thankful for and appreciative of. Although he wasn't a prominent physical presence in Hyuck's life anymore, he still guided him, encouraged him and stood up for him. When their parents suggested Donghyuck went into journalism instead of creative writing over dinner one day, Taeyong reminded them that they'd once tried to put the same limitations on him, and that Hyuck was capable of enticing his own destiny. Donghyuck had sat there, eyes buzzing with the threaten of tears. Taeyong was his crutch.

Dongyuck huffed his thoughts into hot air and placed the sheet of paper back where it came from. His under eyes were slightly tacky with sweat when he rubbed at them, and he felt the same in some strange roundabout way. He hated when his mind was free of thought, free of fiction. His reality was bland. Whenever his mind had time to wander, it rushed to some deep dark depth of Donghyuck's subconscious and it was hard to find his way out of it sometimes, like he was trapped in a deserted cave without a torch.

Figuring he wouldn't be able to sleep just yet, he pulled out his Jiji notebook and laid it open on his desk. He slouched there for a few minutes racking every crevice of his sleep-deprived brain for something to write about, before deciding on a first meeting scene for his two characters. Since writing an introduction he'd added a few more scenes, but he hadn't officially had the two of them interact yet. And although he wanted his story to be more adventure-led, the element of lesbian romance was definitely a huge factor. 

He tried to crack his knuckles in preparation but failed, wincing at how terrible the dull pressing of his bones felt. His mind sieved through all the ways he could present the secondary character (Kei) whilst simultaneously making her and the protagonist (Jasmin) interact and show some essence of chemistry that he could then build upon as the story progressed. The first thought he had was them being in art club together, which also set up other important parts of the narrative. The interaction would be something cute, relaxed, something that left their hearts soaring just a tad. Maybe a blush here, a blush there, a compliment that turns one of them into a speck of quivering dust. Kei would reject the compliment; Jasmin would argue with sincerity.

After introducing their dynamics and adding in any notes for extra details he wanted to include at a later date, he checked his phone again to see that it was 01:03am. He brushed his teeth and washed his face for the second time that night, relishing in the refreshment of cold water against his skin, then slunked atop his bedsheets and reluctantly forced himself to try and sleep.

~*~

Math went by as tersely and horribly as it usually did, but Donghyuck had Spanish after that. Aside from homeroom, it was the only class that he and Jaemin shared, and since Jaemin was oddly great at Spanish it meant he was always there to help — rather, copy from — if ever Donghyuck needed it. That, and they were able chat mindlessly whenever given the chance. 

At current, they were scouring through a chunky workbook. Donghyuck was trying to find the correct page, but the numbers were in Spanish and Donghyuck had momentarily forgotten how to count into the two-hundreds.

"Go back a few pages," Jaemin instructed. Donghyuck took it literally, sifting three pages sparsely through his fingers and looking expectantly at Jaemin afterwards. The other boy tutted and reached over, causing Donghyuck to move back in a clumsy haste. He accidentally prodded himself in the face with the pen he was gripping, which didn't particularly hurt, but the shock of the subtle pressure being so close to his eye made him drop the pen onto his lap and whip his head back in surprise. 

"Do I have a mark on my face?" He questioned, turning to show Jaemin his assaulted cheek.

Jaemin looked up with concerned eyes. "Just a dot." And then, "You look cute, it's like an extra mole." 

Donghyuck froze warily.

"I'm not cute," he argued, but the words felt antecedent even to himself as they flowed monotonously from his mouth.

"Yes you are, Hyuck," Jaemin deadpanned, turning to face the front of the room to listen to the next batch of instructions from their teacher. Strands of brown hair rippled against the side of his face and Donghyuck stared at him in a dazed stupor. He almost wanted to blush, but he was too taken aback by the unnerving sense of déjà vu prickling his skin for the second time that week.

Donghyuck was confused. Yet again, his life had momentarily played out like his on work of fiction. Hell, he was beyond confused. 

A deeper part of him also felt fuzzy about Jaemin complimenting him nonchalantly, with sincerity rather than sarcasm. They didn't do that much. 

"You're weird," Hyuck grunted a fraction too late. He marked the entire situation down as a weird coincidence and tried _not_ to spend the rest of Spanish class thinking about it.

~*~

The next time something similar happened was a couple of days later. Donghyuck had arrived at school half an hour early to lounge in the library and read. The Great Gatsby was assigned for literature class that day, and although he'd already read it once before — and watched the movie, which he loved — he decided he'd re-read it as a refresher.

He received a text from Jaemin not five minutes from when he'd sat down, reading, ' _hey did you already set off?_ '.

Donghyuck shot him a text back alerting him of his location, and ten minutes later Jaemin came striding through the doors of the library. He dumped his backpack onto the table and began to open it.

"Good morning to you too," Donghyuck sneered, watching the movement of Jaemin's slender fingers. 

Jaemin pulled out a container of cookies and all of Donghyuck's brain functions had simultaneously stilled. "Good morning," Jaemin repeated sweetly as he pushed the box towards Donghyuck, seemingly unaware that Donghyuck had completely frozen up.

Jaemin had brought him cookies. Donghyuck blinked, then looked down at the cookies — no, stared _daggers_ into them like they'd just personally offended him — then blinked again.

"Have you been snooping through my notebook?" Donghyuck asked bewilderedly. 

"Why would I do that?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow.

"Be—" He was cut off by Jaemin yelling to an approaching figure and Donghyuck winced at the way his voice rang through the relatively quiet room. He turned his head to see Chenle heading over to them, then sighed because he'd been interrupted, then ultimately mustered a welcoming smile. 

"I'm surprised you dare show your face here again," Donghyuck joked when the younger boy reached them.

"Piss off."

They stifled through conversation until the bell rang, Jaemin's voice louder in his ears than usual. All the while Donghyuck sat there and wondered how he should approach his newfound psychic ability, or whatever the hell it was that was happening to him. Three times—Three. There was no way that Donghyuck could pin it down to a mere coincidence anymore. He glanced at Jaemin, watched his eyes crease as he laughed at Chenle's debaucher, and Donghyuck laughed into the void upon realising how utterly moronic he sounded. The others turned to stare at him quizzically. In response, he raised his eyebrows, gave a tentative shrug and slipped away to his next class as soon as the bell rang.

But when Donhyuck was firmly propped by his desk, his thoughts couldn't help but to flitter back to Jaemin. To the lion drawing, the compliment, the cookies. 

It was stupid, he knew. Maybe coincidences boggled like that sometimes, or maybe Jaemin had read his notebook and was fucking with him. But those were the only two plausible possibilities, and neither of them seemed all that practical. He decided to test it, and a part of him felt stupid for actually going ahead and writing a scene that could realistically be applied to Jaemin — who seemed to tie everything together — but he didn't have a better plan. 

Alas, if not for coincidences or Jaemin's purposeful doings, _how_ would any of this make sense? Magic? A prophecy? He highly doubted that. He felt that, at any moment, a camera crew would barge in exclaiming "You've been pranked!"

But then, the prospect of the scenario he'd written _actually_ happening, even despite Donghyuck carefully guarding his notebook the entire night, scared the absolute shit out of him.

~*~

It did. Happen, that was. All Donghyuck could do when he awoke to a call from Jaemin at exactly eight A.M. — just as he'd written it the day before — was laugh into the void of his unlit bedroom, delirious on sleep and the sheer bewilderment of whatever freaky shit was happening to him. He rejected the call and went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, then trailed nimbly through the rest of his day. 

The walk home was yet another heat-induced hike, the weather only getting hotter as the hours passed, and Donghyuck didn't have the energy to talk much after sitting through almost an hour of science class. It was the final Thursday before summer break, and considering the next day would no doubt be unproductively pointless with plenty of careless absentees, his Thursday had been spent wrapping up topics, handing in projects and receiving assignments to do over the break. Jaemin appeared to be just as worn out by the day's events, shoulders drooped and eyes wincing up at the unforgiving sun. Before he made to turn into his road, Donghyuck held onto his arm to stop him. 

"Are you doing anything right now?" Donghyuck asked.

"Uh... Not really?" 

"Want to come over to mine? I have something to show you."

"Sure." Jaemin hitched his backpack further up his back and they walked the short distance to Donghyuck's house. Hyuck dragged him to his bedroom after greeting his father. Jaemin settled on the bed after relieving himself of his bag and shoes, and Hyuck took the seat by his desk and swivelled it to face him. 

"So..." Donghyuck started. "Remember the lesbian novel I told you I had an idea for?"

Jaemin nodded, eyeing him questioningly.

"Well. Okay, so..." He was stumped about how to tell Jaemin without sounding strange. "Everything I've written so far has happened to you." Jaemin scoffed, but Donghyuck continued talking before Jaemin could so much as open his mouth. "First of all, I made the main character draw a lion on her hand, and the next day you suddenly drew one. Then I wrote about cookies, and you showed up with cookies. I tested it out last night, made one character call the other at a specific time," he tapped pointedly at the '8am' written plainly in black and white, "—and you did exactly that." He presented the rest of his findings — except the part where Jasmin had complimented Kei, for reasons — with outstretched arms, almost urging Jaemin to console him with disbelief so that he could argue.

"Okay, Nostradamus."

"I'm serious," Donghyuck groaned. 

"I just wanted to bake cookies," Jaemin denied. 

"And the lion drawing?"

"I just wanted to draw a lion."

Donghyuck sighed. He too wasn't entirely certain that he was correct himself, or even whether it was possible (whatever _it_ was), but coincidences certainly didn't arrive in fours.

"You really think you're controlling me through your story? That I'm your lesbian protagonist?"

Donghyuck huffed out a belated "I don't know," he too doubting that the life of his best friend could be controlled by a fictional lesbian novel. That he and Jaemin's actions were being conveyed via a lesbian _couple_. Jaemin probably thought he was being outrageous, or weird. Donghyuck certainly didn't want Jaemin to think this was some sort of misguided attempt at flirting. As soon as the prospect of that entered his head, his throat went dry.

"Okay," Jaemin stood up and sauntered towards the desk, redirecting Donghyuck's attention. "Test it."

"Test it?" 

"Make me do something."

"I _did_ , last night, asshole."

"Well this time I can be here to confirm." 

Donghyuck sighed, pulling out his Jiji notebook once more. "And what if it doesn't work because you helped me write it?"

"Then I know you're full of shit." Jaemin grinned.

"Touché." He opened the notebook up to the earliest clean page and grabbed a pen. "So, what would you like me to write, your royal highness?"

Jaemin tittered, eyes darting around the room as if looking at Donghyuck's posters would somehow give him ideas. His eyes spun back around to Donghyuck and he opened his mouth excitedly. "Can't you make me rich or something?" Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

"I think it has to be sustainable, Jaemin. If I write something that big and it doesn't come true you'll call me a liar. Choose something doable."

Jaemin leant his weight against the side of the desk, glaring resolutely at Donghyuck. "See, this is how I know you're full of shit." 

A groan. "Listen, asshole, think of something you'd never do that's also in the realm of possibility. Like eating a booger or something."

Jaemin pulled a face. "Like hell you're making me do that." 

"So you think it _will_ make you do whatever I write?" Donghyuck implored matter-of-factly. 

"No, but if this is some weird experiment to help you work through your writer's block them I'm down to help." 

"Just think of something." Donghyuck sighed.

Jaemin hummed in thought, fingers tapping irritably at Jaemin's desk. After a few moments of hesitation came a, "Make me kiss you on the cheek." 

"You want to kiss me on the cheek?" Donghyuck guffawed.

"No, asshole," Jaemin exclaimed. "Which is exactly why you should write it. Because it won't happen. Duh."

Donghyuck laughed as Jaemin's expression and shrugged. It was a valid enough idea. He started writing out a new paragraph, making Jasmin kiss Kei on the cheek even though it was entirely too soon in the development of his novel to be doing so. 

"What if you can change your actions, though, now that you know about it?" Dongyuck pondered, moreso to himself. 

"What's that?" Jaemin said, mockingly, cupping a hand around his ear to feign not being able to hear properly, his top lip curled up in spite. "Donghyuck _can't_ actually control my actions? What a shocker!"

"Fuck you."

Jaemin watched him as he scribbled away, ranting about how useless it was and how it was never going to happen. When Donghyuck was finished, he flipped shut his notebook and tucked it into his drawer, making sure to barge the compartment against Jaemin's calf in retaliation. The atmosphere dwindled into regularity. 

"You can join us for dinner, if you'd like."

Jaemin grinned. "Don't mind if I do, Nostradamus." Donghyuck seethed at the nickname. Then, as an afterthought, Jaemin said, "You should've wrote about Mama Lee making shrimp alfredo... Damn it."

Donghyuck faked a dry laugh, getting up from his chair whilst thinking about how much harder he should've hit Jaemin's leg with his drawer. His best friend was a jackass, truly; if he actually tried kissing him, Donghyuck might whack him one. He deserved it.

~*~

"Today is the day," Jaemin announced in a swell of blistering enthusiasm.

Donghyuck positively beamed at the thought of school being officially done with as he strode alongside Jaemin into their semi-packed homeroom. "I can't wait to go home and—"

"I'm talking about your prophecy," Jaemin cut in. The last word dripped out of his mouth with sarcasm. "That too, though."

Donghyuck launched into his chair and rolled his head back against the harsh plastic to look up at Jaemin, who was cozily perched on the desk in conjunction. "Actually, I don't know for sure when it'll happen."

"Yeah, yeah. Boo-hoo." 

The day swindled by in a flash, sunlight blearing through one classroom window to the next. He was starting to think that the kiss thing wouldn't happen, that he'd told Jaemin for nothing and now he'd mention it to the others and they'd all laugh at his crazy antics. But then, mid-way through lunch, Yangyang began waxing poetic about Donghyuck's brother, and Hyuck made an off-handed joke about how Taeyong got all the talent and the looks and left him to rot, and then Jaemin had turned to him and gone, "That's not true," in a deep, stern tone and Donghyuck in turn had glanced at him warmly.

And then Jaemin had leant in and pressed a sloppy, playful kiss to Donghyuck's cheek, leaving him startled. 

"Stop s—" And then Jaemin, too, realised the brevity of the situation. His eyes widened, almost animatedly, like two round, white gum balls, as he assessed the ludicrousness of the situation. "What the fuck?"

Renjun repeated the phrase, voice small and confused, and Donghyuck realised that everybody's attention was now on them — on Donghyuck, with his cheeks flushed red and expression settled in the midheaven between alarmed and satisfied, and Jaemin, absolutely bewildered having just kissed his best friend on the cheek against his apparent will.

Jaemin turned to him. "Okay, so, Donghyuck. We need to talk." Jeno cooed, but one flash of Donghyuck's furrowed brows saw to it that he shut up immediately.

"What is with y'all?" Yangyang questioned.

"Nothing," denied the two of them simultaneously.

As they began the short journey home that afternoon, thankful that it'd be their last for a long while, Donghyuck positively gloated. This time, he was the one with a huge unmoving smile on his face. For a variety of reasons.

"I told you so."

"That's... fucked up, man," Jaemin whined. "I didn't even realise what I was doing until I did it. I just had an _urge_."

"You had an urge to kiss me? That's so cute," Donghyuck teased, raising a hand to ruffle the bed of Jaemin's brunette hair. His heart felt heavy as he did so. 

Jaemin barrelled into his side. "No, but, like... I don't even know what to think right now."

"Me neither. When it happened the first time I was shocked, but then it kept happening and I was like holy _shit_ this is weird."

Jaemin scratched his head, glancing sideways at Donghyuck. "Maybe it's the book?" 

"You think my Jiji notebook is bound by magical powers?" Donghyuck mocked. 

"Listen, Nostradamus, your book is fucking freaky. It was probably a reject from the black market."

"I'll tell it to put a centipede in your room tonight if you keep calling me Nostradamus," Donghyuck threatened.

"Hey! You can't threaten me with magic, it isn't fair."

"It isn't _magic_ ," Donghyuck groaned. On second thought, he didn't have a single clue what it was in actuality. "For all I know, the others could be outlandish coincidences and you could just be fucking with me."

"Why would _I_ kiss _you_ to fuck with you?" 

"The same reason you'd blast porn on Chenle's MacBook. Because you're an asshole," he sneered. He went on the spell out asshole in all capitals, and Jaemin throttled him by the side of the road, inner elbow closing in around Donghyuck to drag him into a headlock. Donghyuck attempted to duck out of his hold, but Jaemin only gripped tighter until Donghyuck let out a yelp and kneed him in the crotch. With a loud yell of, "Asshole!", Donghyuck began running down the street — which was useless, by the way, because Jaemin was way more athletic and easily outran him — only to end up a panting, sweaty mess. 

"You should burn it, or something."

"I'm _not_ burning my book," Donghyuck exploded. "It's Jiji and it's cute and it has my writing in it."

"Writing that is somehow _controlling_ me," Jaemin reminded. The sheer audaciousness of the situation made Donghyuck laugh breathlessly.

"I won't write in it, promise."

"Good." They came to a standstill at the turning point into Jaemin's street and stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments, until Jaemin wrapped his arms around Donghyuck, said his usual "I love you", and departed.

~*~

Donghyuck _did_ write in it, despite the angel on his left shoulder telling him that it was simultaneously a terrible decision, an invasion of privacy, _and_ would break the promise he made to Jaemin. But he did it for multiple reasons: to be sure that Jaemin wasn't fucking with him, to test whether the Jiji book was actually the sole cause of everything, and to see whether he could decide his own fate as well as Jaemin's, since he too was seemingly one of the protagonists. He wrote two entries in the Jiji notebook, one about Jasmin biting her tongue and one about Kei finding a dollar, then found another notebook and wrote a second entry about Jasmin, in which she dropped an ice-cream. All very tame distinctions, but distinctions nonetheless. Then, he made sure to stay around Jaemin as much as he possibly could to witness the results.

His final hypothesis was this: Jaemin was controlled by the Jiji book only, and Donghyuck wasn't controlled at all unless influenced by Jaemin's actions (he was sad about not finding that dollar). Which also meant that Jaemin wasn't fucking with him, and that Donghyuck really had some sort of demonic book in his possession. 

He locked it in the bottom drawer of his desk and stayed far away from it, except for when he took it back out again a few days later to write an entry about Jasmin becoming a billionaire. He couldn't help himself. He figured Jaemin would appreciate that one, if it had the plausibility of coming true. 

~*~

The first week of summer break passed by like an intensely long weekend. Donghyuck expected his haven to be taken from him at any second, to suddenly be reprimanded for being unproductive, to have to go back to the same old routine. 

The only thing that confronted him was more warmth. 

Donghyuck lazed about as much as he could, down to his boxers in the privacy of his bedroom with glasses of ice-cold lemonade to keep him company. He became increasingly wary of his weight as time dwindled on and all he'd eaten was frozen, sugary confectionary to help him withstand the increasing heat entrapping his bedroom. He also felt quite guilty for not spending his time wisely; Jeno had a summer job, Renjun was taking extra classes and Yangyang had flown to China visit grandparents as soon as summer begun. All Donghyuck had done was sleep, eat, worry about how much he'd slept and eaten, and so on. 

The only time his doubts were relieved was when he was semi-clothed in Jaemin's pool with a bucket hat slung over his head. Jaemin, who also didn't have a job or self-control. Their situations weren't really comparable, and Jaemin was definitely more spontaneous and advantageous than he was, but Donghyuck allowed himself the indulgence of pretending they were one of the same. It was nice to act as though there wasn't a single care in the world, to have several blissful moments of solitude amidst a life bound to be decked out with compromises and restrictive order.

Another one of those fond, blissful moments arose from sitting on the little roof above his window late at night as the sun burnt auburn before him. It was normally too cold, too dark to do so during the rest of the year, but summer brought forth the curse-disguised-as-luxury of warmth and late sunsets. The bittersweet ambience was both relaxing and insightful.

"Have you happened to run into an abundance of money recently?" Donghyuck asked airily one particular night as the two of them sat side-by-side on the roof, overlooking little else other than the deserted road in front of Donghyuck's house.

"...What?"

"Just asking." He reached into the packet of Cheetos Jaemin was holding and shoved a few into his mouth before Jaemin could squabble. "I might've, like, written something about you becoming extremely wealthy."

Jaemin squawked, turning to trace the motion of Donghyuck's hand. "...You did? Well it hasn't happened."

"Maybe it's your destiny." Donghyuck quipped, words surprisingly free of sarcasm. Jaemin's eyes momentarily fell to his lips. "Maybe it's already in the process of happening, so writing about it is pointless."

Jaemin chuckled brazenly, a warm fleck against the brazen wind. "I sure hope so." He swallowed his last few Cheetos and discarded the empty packet by his legs. He licked the dust from his fingers - which earnt a disapproving nose scrunch from Donghyuck - and leant back against his arms to observe the fiery swirls of a numinous sunset before him. "I guess I'll just wait and see."

They stayed up there until the sky faded into a darkened, colourless stretch of clouds and the wind evoked a cold presence. They clambered back through the roof window, carefully bypassing the scattered trinkets and discarded boxes in Donghyuck's unlit attic, and made their way down to his bedroom. 

"You staying overnight?" Donghyuck asked once the door was closed, looking to his messy bedsheets. Jaemin's gaze followed.

"What's mom cooking for supper?" 

Donghyuck shrugged. "Probably pizza." His parents hadn't yet bought groceries for Taeyong's attendance at lunch tomorrow, so they'd been ordering takeout the last few days. Donghyuck's body wasn't so happy about it, but he had a solid two months to combat all his unhealthy eating habits.

Jaemin nodded. "Pizza sounds good, I'll stay."

"Staying for the food and not the company, I see how it is," tutted Donghyuck. He sighed as Jaemin launched himself backwards onto the waves of Hyuck's slept-in duvet and grinned up at him.

They ended up staying awake past two in the morning with a stash of leftover pizza, cookies and cans of iced tea to propel their late night rendezvous. Jaemin was drawing something at Donghyuck's desk in his tee and a pair of Donghyuck's shorts, and Donghyuck was laid atop his bed trying to read a book over the mind-numbing sound of pencil scratching against paper and the buzz of the mini fan Jaemin had been running for ages. When they finally settled down to sleep — opposite ends of the same bed — Donghyuck was practically a puddle of skin. It was despairingly warm on a _normal_ day, but the addition of an extra body made it worse. Especially when that extra body kept shoving his feet near Donghyuck's face.

"Please stop wiggling around," Donghyuck groaned. Against his better judgement, he grabbed Jaemin's ankle and squeezed it until Jaemin hissed and retracted his legs. Donghyuck relaxed for a second, content, until Jaemin retaliated by slamming his feet into Donghyuck's shoulder, just narrowly missing his face. "I'll literally make you sleep on the floor."

"I can't sleep," Jaemin groaned. "All I've ingested today is caffeine."

"That sounds like a _you_ problem."

Donghyuck felt the mattress waver as Jaemin sat up, the sound of him rubbing his eyes distinguished by the silently dark room. He paused, waiting for Jaemin to lay back down or say something irrefutably stupid, but what he felt instead was Jaemin slithering into the tight space next to him. 

"Move," Donghyuck grunted. "It's too warm and there's no room."

"But—"

Donghyuck pressed himself as far back against the wall as the bed would allow. "I'll throw you off if you don't get away."

"Don't be a me—"

Jaemin fell with a light thud onto the duvet they'd earlier discarded on the floor. Little else was said after that — Donghyuck spread his limbs out peacefully across the circumference of his own bed and Jaemin succumbed to the loneliness of Donghyuck's floor. When Donghyuck awoke the next morning, however, Jaemin was curled around his legs once again. A slight sheen of sweat traced his bare thighs and forehead, and his expression conveyed an innocence that only a sleeping Jaemin could. 

Donghyuck thought he looked his best like that.

~*~

"Listen, I get your parents freelance a lot, but that doesn't mean you _can't_ have a fun summer."

Donghyuck looked up from where he was slumped. One of his legs was crossed over the other, thighs tacky in between, and he was in the middle of typing a message to Jeno about a girl he'd met. "Are you insinuating I ain't having a good summer?"

"Being holed up in your room writing and reading and... doing whatever else is that you do... does _not_ constitute as a good summer," Jaemin deadpanned, fingers tracing the cover of one of the few books strewn across Donghyuck's desk.

"I'll have you know I'm having the _best_ summer."

Jaemin rolled his eyes. 

"My birthday is this weekend, stop being so dismal."

"I know, but we aren't going out for that. I wanna go visit the beach, or the forest, or the river. It's so _nice_ this time of year," Jaemin whined. He had a faraway look in his eye, as though he was picturing all of those places with great vivacity.

"You have other friends, Jaemin," Donghyuck mocked. He discarded Jaemin's pleading look and scanned the most recent message from Jeno.

"Yes, but it wouldn't be complete without you."

A small smile slipped onto Donghyuck's face as he looked back over at a rather downtrodden looking Jaemin. 

"If you can actually get them all in the same place at the same time, then I'd be down to go anywhere." Yangyang had only just returned from China, and Renjun was about as antisocial as Donghyuck was. His friends were the type to send memes into a Twitter groupchat once every couple of hours, not go on spontaneous trips across cities. 

"Oh, they'll come. They aren't all losers like you." 

"Watch your mouth, it's my birthday week." Donghyuck feigned a pout and Jaemin rolled his eyes softly.

"Wanna come in my pool at least?"

Donghyuck shrugged a lax agreement, hitting send on a message and scrunching his face in disgust at how hot and murky his screen had become before curtly locking his phone. 

"Let's go!" 

Jaemin's pool was one of the many things Donghyuck was eternally jealous about. Their houses were practically conjoined and yet Jaemin's was so wildly extravagant compared to Donghyuck's. The same went for many other attributes; they shared the same life in startlingly different ways. Perhaps that was what made them such a strong duo — the magnetisation of opposition. 

As they slipped into the pool, discarded glasses of perspiring sparkling water resting by the poolside, Donghyuck eyed the ridges of Jaemin's slender stomach before looking down to where his own pudge lay beneath his shirt. 

Another thing — alas, there were many — that Donghyuck was monumentally jealous about was the slim body Jaemin's fast metabolism helped him to maintain despite all the junk he ate. Donghyuck never went in the pool without a t-shirt. Ever. It wasn't as though his weight was anything substantial, he just hated the pang of insecurity he felt whenever he was shirtless. It happened even in the confines of his own bedroom, but more so when he compared himself to others. 

Comparisons were ugly, pointless, and yet Donghyuck had spent his entire life comparing himself to his brother, to his friends, to fictional characters. He didn't really know how to differentiate his individualistic qualities from the societal view of what was deemed acceptable, let alone embrace them.

Jaemin's body was pretty fit, though. Pretty _and_ fit. Sometimes, on those darker days like today prone to longing, the line between jealousy and attraction frayed into one of the same. 

He swallowed the thought down like an ice cube. (It lodged harshly in his throat before melting into nonexistence.) 

~*~

Donghyuck was pulled from a dream — it was quite intense, consisting of rowboats off a little coastal island and ravenous polar bears — at the ass crack of dawn by somebody gently tugging at his shoulder. The overbearing swell of song made his ears wince. He cracked open an eye, tried his hardest to focus his blurry vision, and found his older brother and his mom leaning over him, their faces painted with similarly excited expressions. He looked confusedly from their faces, to the ceiling, to the gift bag in Taeyong's hand. Today was his birthday, a fact he was neither happy nor sad about. He blinked his eyes open a fraction wider and sat up in a disorientated gust. 

"Happy birthday Hyuckie!" Taeyong cheered, his mother repeating the sentiment with an excitable flurry of hands. Taeyong pushed the shiny blue gift bag closer to Donghyuck's face. "I'll try and make it to lunch but I thought I'd drop by and bring you your gifts before I opened up the parlour," he explained. 

Donghyuck grasped the bag with barely sentient hands and unclasped the single swatch of sellotape holding it closed whilst the two of them watched on in anticipation. The first thing he pulled out was a beautifully illustrated notebook, a sunflower embellished in gold ink against a backdrop of black with Donghyuck's name written neatly in cursive at the bottom. Donghyuck's lips fluttered into a small smile. 

The nickname Sunflower arose because of Jaemin. He had taken up gardening a few years back, and one summer he managed to grow a six foot tall sunflower. Six feet was by no means a magnificent height for a sunflower, but Jaemin had been really proud of it and Donghyuck recalled watching in awe as it grew across the span of many months. It sadly succumbed to the terrors of the frosty winter thereafter, but it was a testament to Jaemin's ever-optimistic patience and his ability to master the most mundane of tasks. 

Jaemin had named the sunflower Donghyuck, and in turn he jokingly referred to Donghyuck as Sunflower. He said it was bright and capable of reaching great heights, just like him. The nickname only stuck for a few months, but Taeyong must have remembered. 

"I came up with the idea, Ten drew it. It's for your writings." Taeyong smiled exuberantly, but Donghyuck could only continue to look down in a flurry of fondness at the object in his hand. He adored it.

The next thing he picked out was a candle, cinder and rose scented. He drew it to his nose and inhaled; it smelled like a small, cosy cabin amidst a field of flowers.

The final item he withdrew caused his mother to thwart Taeyong the side of the head: a bottle of vodka. Or, at least, what appeared to be vodka, though Donghyuck wasn't entirely certain because he didn't know much about alcohol and hadn't drunk much else other than a single glass of beer at a family cookout. He'd certainly never had vodka before.

Before his mother could cause a fuss, Taeyong stepped in. "He's eighteen, let him live. He'll be drinking all the time when he hits college."

His mother tutted but let him off nonetheless, probably picturing the improbable years of mayhem to come. 

Donghyuck was kind of excited about having actual alcohol to himself. He'd never been drunk before, though he doubted it would take a lot to get him to that stage. He'd share it with the others later if they wanted.

"Your father is still sleeping, but I made a special breakfast for you," his mother finally interjected with a smile. She turned to look up at Taeyong. "Staying?" 

Taeyong shook his head, though he looked dismayed to do so, lips tucked between his teeth dismally. "I really have to go open up, but I swear I'll be here for lunch. I'll make one of the others cover."

"Well thank you for the gifts, I love them," Donghyuck said shyly, still holding the bottle of vodka in one hand. Taeyong reached down and enveloped the younger boy in a hug, patting the top of his back in a firm but comforting manner. 

"I'm glad you like them... I was really conflicted about what to get." 

"No, no, they're perfect."

They wrapped up the conversation, their mother already having trailed downstairs to set up for breakfast. Taeyong hurried to leave, making for front door whilst Donghyuck washed up in the bathroom, and the house echoed with emptiness in his wake. 

Breakfast thereafter was diluted with small chatter. His mother had made him a combination of some of his favorite breakfast foods, such as pineapple slices and honey oatmeal and fried eggs, and after a while his father woke up and joined them. Donghyuck spent his time afterwards marvelling at his gifts and texting the others about the alcohol.  
  
_Jeno Bear 🐻😄 [09:34]:_

_I can bring beers too if that's where this is going..._

For the rest of the morning into the afternoon, he slouched in bed for a bit, showered, made sure his hair was the right amount of fluffy, tested out a few new ink pens he'd been gifted recently from Renjun, read the last chapter of The Great Gatsby, finished up his essay on the aforementioned book, watched a snippet of a movie that was showing on the television, and then eventually sat down to eat a late lunch with his parents. Taeyong was even later joining them, but the carrot cake he brought along with him was more than enough to render him forgiven. For once, Donghyuck didn't feel bad about gorging on all the delicious food his mom had cooked, although he felt like a bloated mess by the end of it. 

His parents deserted at different times during the early afternoon, his mother leaving last with a flimsy kiss pressed against his forehead and a warning to drink responsibly and have fun. They both had work anyway, but it was more of a guise to stay away whilst Donghyuck's friends were over. They'd probably meet up after their work schedules were over. A win-win situation, really. 

Donghyuck wondered whether this birthday hangout could be classified as a party. There was alcohol, undoubtedly good music and seven participants (he'd invited Chenle and Jisung on a whim, mostly because he still regretted the porn incident but also because Chenle kept pestering him). He hadn't been to many real parties, bar hangouts with his friends, preferring instead to relax in the solitude of a cosy bed. It wasn't that he was antisocial — being friends with Jaemin made sure to it that he had a social life — it was more the fact that he oftentimes became insecure when surrounded by happy caricatures of a jubilant adolescence. 

He didn't even know what to wear. He tried on a few outfits, huffed at the feeling of suffocation brought upon by a thick turtleneck, deemed the next three outfits too formal, and eventually settled on a burgundy shirt, of which the top three buttons were unfastened, with frayed black jeans. He added a bit of tinted moisturiser to his face and dark kohl to his eyes, not bothered with coming off as too try-hard considering it was _his_ party after all. He rolled some chapstick across his lips, grabbed the bottle of vodka from his desk and waited downstairs in the front room for the arrival of his friends. 

Jaemin approached first, and Donghyuck felt his jaw loosen upon opening the front door to see a mass of light pink hair. His skin prickled, both from the evening air making its way into the house and the sight of Jaemin. 

"You can't outshine the birthday boy on _his_ birthday," Donghyuck scorned.

Jaemin wavered on the front steps, clutching onto the doorframe with his free hand. Then, he grinned. It looked especially effervescent paired with his new hair, the pink tones emphasising the distilled rosé of his warm cheeks. 

"Do you like it?"

Donghyuck nodded. 

Chenle arrived soon after, followed by Renjun and Jeno and finally Jisung. While they cooed over Donghyuck's makeup and presented him varyingly comical gifts — ranging from a repainted My Little Pony figurine to a pair of socks with his own face on it — Renjun worked the stereo. Jisung started them off with a Post Malone song and together they went through the motion of party mundanities such as karaoke, drinking, dancing spontaneously to pre-2015 Taylor Swift, eating, singing Donghyuck an embarrassingly off-key happy birthday, and playing a few rounds of Cards Against Humanity. They saved the vodka for a game of truth or dare that Yangyang suggested (the forfeit: shots), although Donghyuck could already feel himself becoming fuzzy around the edges from just the beer alone. He couldn't tell whether it was a placebo or whether he was sincerely that lightweight, but he felt good and buzzed and he didn't care for the technicalities.

"Okay, let's play!" Renjun bursted. He dragged the unopened vodka bottle into the middle of the circle they'd formed. 

"Why does it look like we're about to play spin the bottle," Jaemin giggled. Donghyuck stared at his bright smile and the colour-coordination of his cheeks and hair for perhaps the millionth time that night. He'd drank more than most, tipsiness visible in the rosy tips of his ears and clingy exuberance. 

"We could," Donghyuck teased.

"Definitely not," Chenle drawled whilst Jisung and Yangyang pulled the same disgusted face.

The game proceeded pretty tamely, but it was fun. Any juicy truths or dares thrown towards the group were often dismissed and drowned out with alcohol, but Donghyuck found their drunkenness just as hilarious. The only two not drunk were the youngest, because Jaemin had warned them against getting drunk and had changed their penalty to smooching the birthday boy on the cheek instead — they steered clear of that. 

"Jaemin! Truth or dare?" Yangyang asked, positively gleaming.

Jaemin rolled his eyes diagonally in thought, lips parted slightly. They looked glossy from the remnants of alcohol, Donghyuck noted. "Truth." His lips pulled into an expectant half-smirk. 

Yangyang stilted. It was obvious that Jaemin had ruined the dare Yangyang must've had prepared, for he seemed to be at a loss for words despite his earlier boost of enlivened confidence.

Finally, "Have you had your first kiss yet?"

Six pairs of eyes focused on Jaemin as he shyly laughed. His shoulders bounced just a little, and Donghyuck's eyes easily slid down to them. He was wearing a black tank and every inch of his arms — from the taut muscle of his biceps to his bony wrists — were on display.

"Yes."

Donghyuck's eyes quickly fluttered upwards, mouth agape. He figured Jaemin was too popular to have _not_ had his first kiss, but the confirmation was still startling to his ears. They didn't talk about relationships much, hadn't since their early teens when Donghyuck was going through his sexuality crisis, but Donghyuck had always assumed that Jaemin would at least tell him about something as monumental as his first kiss. 

Apparently not. 

Hyuck was unable to get caught up in inebriated feelings of betrayal — maybe a little jealousy, too, but he didn't know what the fuck was going on with _that_ — because the rest of them were calling on him to go next. 

"Truth."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Jeno asked, and Renjun groaned at the stupidity of such an obvious question. 

Jaemin guffawed. "Of course he hasn't." It didn't seem to be purposely vindicate, but his dubious laughter left a bad taste in Donghyuck's mouth. 

The game came to an end soon after, good questions and dares whittling down as their drunkenness grew. With it went the remainder of the party. The younger two left first, followed by Jeno and Renjun. Yangyang asked if he could crash on the couch considering he lived quite a ways away and was barely stable enough to stand straight. Donghyuck gave in to the poor unfortunate lightweight and texted his mother to forewarn her not to be startled when she returned home to find a body on the sofa. 

"Can I stay too?" Jaemin asked, batting his pretty eyelashes in a way that only served to dizzy Donghyuck's head further. He shrugged in response and trailed upstairs to collect some blankets for Yangyang. The journey there and back consisted of Donghyuck wobbling against the railing and having to stop and think carefully before finding his footing on each individual step. It almost felt like he was moving in slow motion, like the gears of his brain were churning at a snail's pace and every delayed twist clanged against the side of his skull. When he finally returned to his bedroom, Jaemin was sprawled across his bed.

Donghyuck made to start getting ready to sleep. He wiped off his makeup in the bathroom, brushed his teeth to get rid of the stench of alcohol and posed a few times in the mirror because it was funny to him how depleted and woozy his vision had become (and, of course, pretending that you were a ghost in your bathroom mirror was the best way to utilise that). Jaemin hadn't moved an inch by the time Donghyuck returned.

"I don't know why you're hogging my bed when you live a single street away," Donghyuck muttered as he fought a battle against the tightness of his jeans. "And stop staring at me," he added as an afterthought, wary of Jaemin's droopy eyelids looking in his direction, "I'm trying to _undress_ over here."

Jaemin hummed — if a hum could be considered sarcastic then his most definitely was — and rolled his head towards the walled side of the bed. Donghyuck's eyes languidly trailed down the length of Jaemin's body, stopping at his equally tight-fitting jeans. "Do you need something to wear?" 

Jaemin shook his head. Donghyuck focused his attention back on pulling the leg of his jeans over his feet without falling in his slightly inebriated stupor. Next, he fumbled to unbutton his shirt; all the while his eyes focused on Jaemin to ensure he didn't peek. When he was fully dressed he perched on the edge of his own bed for a few idle moments, waiting for Jaemin to move aside to let him lay down. Instead, the other boy rolled off the bed and began pulling off his own jeans. Donghyuck eyed him carefully, more so in case he fell and injured himself than to be creepy. 

Jaemin's eyes seemed to catch something on the desk, and he excitably grinned amid a state of undress.

"Sunflower!"

Donghyuck looked from the sunflower notebook, to Jaemin, and back. "Taeyong made it for me."

Jaemin's fingertips reached out to trace the lineart. "Woah, it's been years. The sunflowers are back in season, y'know?"

"They are?"

"There are only a few, and they aren't that tall yet. But you should come see them!" He smiled warmly.

Donghyuck nodded. Jaemin turned the bedroom light off and sauntered back towards the bed. Instead of laying at the bottom so they were zig-zagged, as they usually were, he flopped directly beside Jaemin. There wasn't enough room at all but Donghyuck was far too lethargic to fight it.

Donghyuck's eyes flickered across the unlit depths of Jaemin's face. It was too dark to see anything properly considering the stretch of sky outside his bedroom window was a blank grey-blue, but darker shadows adequately accentuated lighter shadows. Each blink of Jaemin's eyelids seemed delayed, or maybe it was Donghyuck's eyesight that was delayed — he wasn't so sure of anything. But it was as though Jaemin was blinking up at him in slow motion, red-stricken eyes and lashes of black. He was a pretty drunk, wide-eyed and flushed-cheeked with remnants of alcohol sinking in between the lines of his dry, parted lips. 

"Happy birthday," Jaemin whispered. Donghyuck sensed movement in his peripheral, and the next thing he felt was a light pressure against his jawline followed by Jaemin smushing his lips against his forehead in a parched, mushy kiss that Donghyuck recoiled from with an abhorred expression.

"You're even more disgusting when you're drunk," Donghyuck commented. Jaemin leaned back with what Donghyuck could only guess was a smug smile on his face, though his fingertips continued to dance across Donghyuck's jawline. He figured that his own skin was bound to be heated under the touch. 

"I love you," Jaemin said abruptly before disconnecting his warm fingers and rolling onto his back in a way that left his shoulders jutting into Donghyuck's collarbones. 

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too weirdo." 

They drifted asleep with staccato breaths, and, in Donghyuck's case, a heavy chest. 

~*~

Donghyuck and Jaemin decided — correction, Donghyuck was dragged — to hang out at the skate park despite not knowing how to skate. Jaemin had befriended a few regulars a while back and had learnt the basics, but Donghyuck didn't trust his balance enough to even _attempt_ it. They slouched side-by-side at the very top of a set of steps overlooking a multitude of skaters, chatting about Jeno's new relationship with an older girl he worked with. However, Donghyuck found himself distracted by the way the sunlight turned the tips of Jaemin's pink hair a shade of white marshmallow. 

"I'm sorry about what I said..." Jaemin's eyes settled on his with a hint of concern, rendering Donghyuck confused. "At your party."

"What did you say?" There was nothing that particularly jumped out, except for the subtlety of hurt he figured went unnoticed, but even if Jaemin _had_ managed to picked up on it, since when did they apologise for things like that? 

Except, oh.

"For, like... I don't know, being so averse towards the prospect of you having a boyfriend, and stuff." He was fiddling nervously with his hair as he spoke, and Donghyuck watched on as a section dipped across his forehead in one fell swoop. "It's not that you _couldn't_ get a boyfriend, just that I maybe would've known. I was just joking, because you're not really the dating sorta type, I guess. But, like, of cour—"

"It's fine." Donghyuck chuckled breezily at the unfamiliarity of a flushed Jaemin. He wanted to ask about Jaemin's first kiss — if Jaemin assumed he'd know of any romantic partners Donghyuck had, surely it'd be normal for him to assume the same? — but that encroached on strange territory for a semi-public discussion. 

Jaemin pulling his bottom lip between his teeth snapped him from his thoughts. 

"You sure? You looked hurt. I'm sorry. I've been thinking about it ever since." 

"Seriously, I'm fine." 

"But, I mean, we're growing—Changing. We're at a stage where those things could actually hurt you someday and I really—"

Donghyuck cut him off with a firm hand on his kneecap. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'll tell you if you ever say anything that hurts me."

He probably wouldn't, in actuality, but that was mostly due to the fact that Jaemin never said anything to purposefully hurt Donghyuck, rather than the notion of him being too scared to confront his best friend. He wasn't. Jaemin was a good person and an even better listener — it was what made him so popular. He was also surprisingly intuitive, as proven by him picking up on Donghyuck's despondency despite the latter being so sure it went amiss. Jaemin had an open mind and an open heart, and it was one of the many reasons Donghyuck admired him so.

Jaemin looked down at the hand on his knee and brought his own hand to rest on top. His palm was warm and reassuring against the back of Donghyuck's hand. "Yeah, okay." His eyes found Donghyuck's again and he smiled. "I love you."

It was Donghyuck's turn to flush. "You ought to stop being so sappy," he teased, pulling his hand away. 

He still wasn't quite acquainted with Jaemin being so sincere, or the way his heartbeat fluttered whenever he was.

Jaemin let his head go lax against Donghyuck's shoulder and squeezed him in a side-hug. "You love me really."

Donghyuck hummed and watched on as a skater tumbled from his skateboard. 

~*~

"Don't think I've forgotten about your Nostradamus abilities," Jaemin lamented, habitually tapping his fingernails against Donghyuck's desk.

"Hardly forgettable." 

Truth be told, he'd thought about writing in his Jiji book plenty of times, but the ideas were mostly selfish cravings of a yearning fool and were thus axed instantaneously. Jaemin's bodily autonomy was something that preceded even Hyuck—That proceeded magic or jokes or instances of weakness. The book hadn't moved a millimetre since the day he had locked it in his drawer, and that was how it would stay.

The wheels of Donghyuck's chair squeaked as Jaemin swung himself to-and-fro in ninety-degree motions. Donghyuck kicked aside his legs to stop the ruckus and Jaemin slouched back on the chair instead. 

"We should have some fun with it."

"What constitutes as fun, exactly?" 

"I don't know. What was it you were originally writing, again?"

Donghyuck detailed the spontaneous art adventures of Jasmin and Kei; even though it was only a mere two months or since the idea had crossed him, Donghyuck was already rather regretful of it. He looked expectantly at Jaemin. 

"You could continue as planned?" Jaemin suggested with a tremor of his eyebrows. 

"Are you missing the part about _lesbians_? And a potential life of _crime_?" 

"What if I want a lesbian love adventure?" He performed a comically over-sexualised rubbing motion up the sides of his torso with a pout on his face and Donghyuck threw himself back against his bed amidst a fit of giggles.

"You don't deserve one," he joked, pulling himself up so that Jaemin was visible in his line of sight.

"Ouchie." The sound of fingernails tapping against the desk started up again as Jaemin seemingly thought hard about something. "Write about me winning an arm wrestle against Jeno. It'd boost my ego."

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. "First of all, Jeno isn't a character in my novel. Secondly... You have the ability to do almost _anything_ and yet you want me to write about _arm wrestles_?"

Jaemin looked taken-aback. "Well what would _you_ write?"

He had a few ideas. Mostly the aforementioned notion of foolish yearning. Nothing that he'd ever speak into existence, and certainly nothing that he'd ever willingly share with Jaemin. He shrugged.

"That's no fun." Jaemin rested his head against the back of his chair apathetically. His bed of pink hair was distinctive against the black material. "There has to be something."

Donghyuck looked around his desk, placating ideas. Nothing light-hearted enough came to mind.

"Don't you want, like, a boyfriend or anything? Your own lesbian romance?" Judging by his smile, the situation was intended to be fruitless and playful, but the atmosphere and targeted bullseye through Donghyuck's heart indicated otherwise. 

Donghyuck chuckled at him — though in truth, yes. He felt embarrassed to think about it, let alone speak it into the void, but he'd always idolised the type of relationships romanticised in fiction, longed for a love of the sort despite knowing full well that love often wasn't always as whimsical and idyllic as authors — himself included — described. He also understood that he had the rest of his life to seek love, but he was impatient and embarrassingly inexperienced and oftentimes lonely. Especially since summer had dwindled by and Donghyuck had found himself privy to Jeno's new relationship and along came the pang of realisation whenever Jeno asked for advice and Donghyuck didn't know what to say, didn't have any similar experiences for comparison.

Jaemin was right about them growing, changing, manifesting from sheltered seedlings into brazen sunflowers with their heads tilted towards an unforgiving sun.

"I don't know..." Donghyuck responded after a long stretch of pause. "The prospect of romance isn't exactly dreadful."

Jaemin shuffled his hands in his lap. Although he was the one to initiate the conversation, it didn't look as though he knew how to carry it through. It was endearing, really. "Well... You'll find someone eventually. Just put yourself out there. I'm sure there are plenty of cute gay dudes that'd love to date you."

Donghyuck raised a brow. "Oh yeah?"

"Maybe? I don't know." He shrugged, sinking further back into the material of the chair. For once, he looked small. 

"I admire your... optimism?" 

Donghyuck couldn't tell whether he was imagining it or not, but he swore Jaemin's cheeks had a more pinkish tinge than usual. He almost looked like he was in a perpetual state of bafflement, though Donghyuck doubted he looked any better himself. He was just glad not to be the one under fire anymore.

" _Anyway_! How do you think you got the power, or whatever?" 'Power' was emphasised by air quotes and the words fell expeditiously from his tongue. Donghyuck blinked rapidly at what had to be the most blatantly obvious conversation evasion of all time, but he was relatively thankful for the topic change.

"I don't know what it is or how it came to be," Hyuck dramatically uttered.

Jaemin rested his elbow against the plastic arm of the chair and leant his chin against the crutch of his palm. He swallowed, and it was audible amidst the quiet warmth of Donghyuck's bedroom. "You could scour some Reddit boards or something..."

"Of course you use Reddit," Donghyuck commented sourly. "I've looked through tons of message boards but they're all figurative and useless. Shit like this doesn't normally _happen_ in real life, Jaemin."

"No shit," he drawled dryly. He scratched his head. "Maybe you're a witch."

Donghyuck clicked his tongue in annoyance. He knew full well he wasn't a witch, but the Jiji that decorated his notebook was a character — a familiar, even — in a movie _about_ a witch, which was rather funny when he thought about it. He said as much to Jaemin, who was convinced that it had something to do with Donghyuck's unexplained powers.

"That's stupid."

"You having a random book that can magically control me is _stupid_. You being a witch is actually a lot more plausible."

"You're stupid... Since when have you ever known me practice witchcraft?"

Jaemin shrugged, his chin bouncing along with his shoulders. "There's a lot of things I don't see you do, you're quite the hermit." Donghyuck threw a pen at him. 

"You should thank your lucky stars we weren't fucking with black magic or something." Another thought came to mind and his eyes widened dramatically. "Its a good job I wasn't writing a horror novel."

"I don't think you've ever written horror in your life..." Jaemin said meekly. "I quite like being a lesbian protagonist." 

That warranted an eye-roll. Donghyuck held back from reminding Jaemin that in order for him to be the lesbian protagonist, he had to make up the other half. That was too hefty a discussion for a Wednesday afternoon, Donghyuck thought. Jaemin would hopefully come to the realisation himself eventually, and stop making dumb jokes that left Donghyuck wordless. 

"I'm gonna write something in the notebook to make you shit yourself if you don't shut up about that," he said instead.

"And there I was thinking you didn't write horror."

Donghyuck laughed at that one. Jaemin's grin was equally as blazing, spread too-wide across his face, proud.

"Dude, I hadn't even thought about this—Imagine if I started writing another book and it did the same... My career would be ruined," Donghyuck gasped. If everything he wrote led back to Jaemin, Donghyuck would probably give up his career wilfully. He made a mental note to test it out before it was too late and he started tumbling down the road to failure. 

"You'd have to actually publish something to have a writing career," Jaemin taunted. "I don't think crying over Google Docs counts."

Donghyuck feigned hurt, dramatically raising his hand to his forehead, but secretly marvelled at just how thoroughly Jaemin knew his quirks. "You're so mean to me."

Jaemin blew him a over-exaggerated kiss in response. 

~*~

Donghyuck savoured moments like this. He and Jaemin, nestled on the small roof atop his bedroom window, barreling into one another in makeshift dance to the rhythm of whatever Bruno Mars track they were singing along to in that instance. The weather was on the chillier side of warm, though neither complained, dancing to lift both the spirit and the temperature until their lungs suffused with exhaustion. 

Donghyuck carefully lowered himself to lay against hard slate, chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath. His mouth was parched and his hair was bunching against his forehead but he couldn't help but to preen at the feeling of adrenaline coursing through his veins. "We better be quiet before my neighbours decide to egg us," he remarked amidst a flurry of panting.

Jaemin swivelled to grin down at him, jiggling the phone clasped between his fingers without making to turn the music down. He continued to sing along whilst gesturing to Donghyuck — a serenade, if you will — as his pink hair fluttered gently in possession of the subtle breeze. Donghyuck focused on the movement, let his eyes fall to Jaemin's eyelashes, to his wind-bitten nose, to his roseate lips stretched widely around each lyric of song. 

Jaemin was pretty — ineffably so. A fact Donghyuck couldn't seem to overlook these days.

It was numbing, to look up and have Jaemin's silhouette take the forefront against a backdrop of cerulean. Jaemin, with his peach-specked hair and warm skin and deep firewood eyes. His colourful ebullience drowned out the eminence of even the _sky_ , the beholder of Earth, the most looked upon spectacle of all. 

Donghyuck's eyelids remained unblinking. 

Eventually, Jaemin cut off the music and slumped back against his arms, exhaling a breath that touched the tips his fringe and ruffled a few strands just so. The sound of the now-prominent wind prickled Donghyuck's ears in that all-quiet vitality it always seemed to encompass. 

"By the way," he said, briefly turning his head but not enough to fully look at Hyuck. "I managed to coop the others together for a trip this weekend, if you'll still come."

Donghyuck made to nod against the slate, before remembering that Jaemin couldn't see him. He cleared his throat. "Of course, where to?"

"I figured we could take the train down south, visit the lake."

Donghyuck hummed. At that given moment, he didn't particularly care where they went; he felt almost enchanted by the idea of travelling somewhere — with Jaemin, with his friends — and allowing some semblance of spontaneity to slip into his life for once. 

"You still need to come see the sunflowers. They've grown."

Donghyuck simpered. Jaemin had remembered, despite his earlier drunken laconicism. "I do. I will."

The outline of Jaemin's cheek plumped, indicative of a smile.

~*~

Jaemin's idea of a fun trip consisted of waking up damningly early on a Saturday morning to meet up and head to the train station together. He'd suggested they bring backpacks with extra pants and food, which they lugged across an almost-empty platform in the thick of the morning heat in wait of the train. The train journey was only supposed to last ten minutes but it felt upwards of fifty. The five of them were crammed onto two rows either side a table and Donghyuck hated every second of it, anointed with moisture due to how compact their bodies were.

At least the view was pretty. The sun had risen some time ago and sunlight coruscated a rainbow strip across the table between them. Donghyuck was too tired to talk animatedly along with the rest of his friends, instead leaning his head against Jeno's broad shoulder to peek at Jaemin from under his fringe, his heart tumbling along with each shudder of the train. Sometimes, if the sun hit Jaemin's face at just the right angle, his eyes would glimmer golden. Donghyuck wished he was good at photography or art to give the sight sempiternal permanence, but that was Jaemin's forte. 

When the train ride finally ended, they paused to rehydrate and then began the final trek to their destination. Donghyuck's sneakers audibly scuffed against the gravel pavement that glistened with warmth as they followed Jaemin's directions down random side roads. His heavy backpack caused him to lose momentum, meaning he lagged behind the others every so often from stopping to hook it tighter around his shoulders. Jaemin eventually noticed and took it from him, carrying it throughout the rest of the trek, and Donghyuck smiled a relieved thanks. Pavement turned to mud, mud turned to grass. The air felt thick, but undeniably fresh, as they waded through cluttered wildlife and clambered past a few big rocks. 

Then, they saw it.

A vast lake, the opening of which was barricaded by giant rocks much like the ones they'd just passed. The water was a dazzling turquoise, streaks of teal rippling in waves across the surface. The surrounding trees painted an earthy mosaic across the reflection of water that flourished with vibrancy under the gaze of ivory sunlight. At one end was a muddy opening guarded by rocks and tall cattails. It was strangely desolate, almost eerie due to the enigmatic buzzing of the weather.

They followed the dirt path to the opening and immediately slumped against a large rock to gather their bearings. 

"I'm going in," Yangyang announced excitedly. He pulled off his t-shirt and shoes, then swarmed into the water. Yelling was followed by rambunctious laughter. Renjun laughed at him before discarding his clothes in a similar fashion and yanking Jeno into the lake with him. 

Donghyuck's eyes lingered on Jaemin's back as he hurriedly peeled off his vest. His shoulder muscles rippled with every arm movement, a stark contrast to the baby pink hair settled delicately against the back of his neck. He turned to Donghyuck, patiently leaning against a rock, the toned indentations of his abs in plain sight. It was nothing Donghyuck hadn't seen before, but he looked particularly tan and profound under the glistening rays of sunlight surrounded by pretty wildlife with his hair ruffled from his state of undress. 

The other boy's eyes slipped across his face, and Donghyuck quickly looked to his own feet as warmth pooled to his cheeks. His shoes had streaks of dirt on them from all the walking they'd done. He toed at the heels to slip them off, dropped his backpack to the floor and looked expectantly to Jaemin. He knew he was flushed, but the walking and the weather were easy to blame. 

"Are you keeping your shirt on? It'll be sopping wet on the way back," Jaemin pointed out. "Unless you brought another?" 

He hadn't thought that far ahead. He shrugged nonchalantly before uttering a quick, "It'll dry." 

"I notice you always swim with it on. Is there a reason for that, or?"

He knew he was bound to be asked about it one day — especially given that Jaemin was too perceptive for his own good — but that didn't stop the swell of dread rushing to his stomach. He was already vividly aware of his thighs, had been since they began rubbing together when he walked, and the prospect of ripping off his _shirt_ in the presence of so many people physically _taunted_ him. 

Laughter could be heard in close vicinity, pulsating from the stretches of blue.

"Not really. It's just... uncomfortable."

"Jumping in a lake with your shirt on will be a lot more uncomfortable, I assure you," Jaemin declared. Then he sighed and stepped closer, obstructing the glow of the sun from the reaches of Donghyuck's vision. He was outlined in white, tips of his hair luminous, eyes steely. "You know we don't care, Hyuck, about whatever it is you care so much about." He reached out and curled his fingers around Donghyuck's wrist. "And for what it's worth, I've caught you shirtless before and you look fine, there's nothing to be embarrassed about." 

Donghyuck damned that intuition of his. The last comment made him feel more nervous than not, but his cheeks burned harsher nonetheless. He would quite frankly love to punch Jaemin right where the the dark shadows cast by his pretty eyelashes fell. But softly, tenderly, for he appreciated the sentiment but Jaemin didn't _understand_. He couldn't.

"Y'all have abs—You're all slim, and I just feel so—" 

"That doesn't matter, Hyuck." He took ahold of the bottom of Donghyuck's shirt, though he didn't make to lift it up — he just rubbed the material between his fingers and Donghyuck felt his knees threaten to collapse. He dropped the fabric. "I'm not going to force you into doing anything. Just know that we don't care." To make a point, he turned to face the others, who were absentmindedly splashing water at one another. Yangyang caught his eye and beckoned them over cheerily.

"I don't know."

"If you don't want to, don't. I can lend you my tank so you have something dry to change into. I don't mind."

The thought of Jaemin roaming half-naked for the rest of the day superseded Donghyuck's obstructive thoughts. He was fucked. He shook his head in dismissal, reluctantly pulling the bottom of his shirt over his head. Jaemin blocked him whilst he undressed, which was quite the awkward fete. The hairs on his arms bristled as he clutched his discarded his shirt against his hammering chest. Jaemin poked the fabric with his pinky finger and Donghyuck eventually let it drop against the ground, standing there with invisible beads of sweat trailing down his back, half mortified, half relieved to have shed a layer of clothing. He was practically trembling as Jaemin offered him a light, soothing smile.

"See, cute," he said, even though his eyes hadn't once left Donghyuck's face.

"Don't make me blush," Donghyuck huffed, fully aware he'd already been blushing for the past four minutes. Jaemin's expression and compliments alleviated Hyuck's agitation, even if he was only saying them for the sake of it. It redirected Donghyuck's attention from his insecurities to the fumbling shell of a man he became whenever Jaemin was sincere to him.

Jaemin grabbed his wrist again — this time to tug him towards the lake — and Donghyuck leniently followed his lead, allowing himself to be dragged underneath the swell of salty, lukewarm water. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon doing much of nothing: Swimming races, splash fights, durability tests, breathing games, shoulder wars, you name it. If Donghyuck spent the majority of that admiring his Jaemin from afar, he wouldn't admit to it. 

The pang of giddiness he felt in his company was starting to become all-encompassing. 

For lunch, they settled on a grassy bank away from the lake. It was bestrewn with stout trees, birdsong, and the laughter of those he adored most. Renjun was dared to try a Nerds sandwich to test the extent of his radical sandwich concoctions and almost projectile vomited across Yangyang's lap in the process. Amidst the commotion, Donghyuck took a pack of Sour Patch Kids from his backpack and he and Jaemin knocked the candy together like wine glasses, sharing a smile known only to them. Bittersweet melancholy rang through Donghyuck's chest. 

(Donghyuck and Jaemin met as children when a bunch of older high schoolers crowded into the middle of Donghyuck's street to play soccer. Since they were too young to play they sat on the sidelines in amusement and shared a pack of Sour Patch Kids. They'd been somewhat inseparable ever since.)

~*~

' _Help._ '

He sent the message before dozing off a night later, to recipients Taeyong and Jeno, only to wake up from an abundance of messages and missed calls from the two of them the next morning. He gulped and hurriedly sent them both a variation of ' _don't worry I'm fine!_ '.

Taeyong called immediately after.

"I had to call mom last night to see if you were alright," he began hastily. His voice tethered towards the more irritated side of worried.

"I'm fine," Donghyuck drawled sleepily.

"What was wrong?"

Donghyuck winced. He'd sent that message amidst having an epiphany — one that he didn't particularly know how to handle, didn't want to type or speak into existence. Even though he was the one to prompt this discussion, he was torn between venting to Taeyong and keeping his mouth shut.

Truth be told, Donghyuck had never been any good sharing his feelings, even with his brother. Taeyong, Jaemin and Jeno were normally the ones he most relied on, but this was one of those instances where he felt they were too close for him to feel comfortable opening up — this was a _him_ thing, something that couldn't be sympathised with. The rest of his friendship group weren't really advice-givers, and his parents quite frankly wouldn't give a shit — especially due to the nature of his current meltdown. 

Realistically, he was thankful to his parents and he loved them. They had migrated to America back when when his mother was pregnant with Taeyong, in pursuit of something better (whether they found that, Donghyuck wasn't so sure). In a way, he was glad to have been brought up in a more socially progressive country, glad that his parents had the opportunity to see things — his sexuality, mostly — in a different light. What if, without those twenty or so years of being receptive to new ideals, Donghyuck wouldn't have been met with the same levels of support? It pained him to think about. He knew, deep down, that his parents would have loved him no matter what, yet there was a tiny faucet of doubt in the pit of his stomach that leaked whenever he thought too deeply about it.

He and his brother were almost complete contrasts. On one hand, Taeyong was older and thus closer to their parents, his life had direction and he was very much a poster child of success — on the other, Donghyuck often felt like the black sheep, like he'd turned out nothing like his parents had expected him to and now had to live with the inferiority complex that came with that. The generational gap between him and his parents often made him feel like their views didn't really align all that well, but it was fine, Donghyuck understood, and he appreciated his parents for at least trying to connect with him. He just thought too heavily sometimes, let his self-depreciating thoughts immobilise him. That was why he wrote, why he distracted himself from reality. 

"Are you still there?" came the echo of Taeyong's voice. 

"Yeah—Yeah, I'm here." He sighed. "It was nothing, don't worry." 

He let his feelings simmer. 

~*~

Donghyuck finally visited the sunflowers.

Jaemin's makeshift greenhouse was a fortress of nature, with bundles of twisted vines and flowers in various hues flourishing in the direction of the sun, more vibrant this time of year than any. However, Donghyuck was fixated on the climbing sunflowers that'd peaked in the warmth of the summer. They made him nostalgic now.

"Look at this." Donghyuck averted his gaze to find Jaemin cooing at a small ladybug crawling across his fingertip. 

Donghyuck hadn't believed the myth about ladybug spots telling their age since he was approximately fourteen years old, but he still counted them. "Seven spots!"

Jaemin went to stroke the ladybug and it parted it's wings to flee. Donghyuck always found it terrifying when the wings dropped out at the back; when he was younger he always thought he'd injured them or that they were pooping on his hand. The wings stretched to full capacity and the ladybug retreated from his finger. Jaemin watched it fly away into the distance, leant his slightly-sweaty head against Donghyuck's shoulder and exhaled.

"I wish I could keep ladybugs as pets," he lamented.

Donghyuck wrinkled his nose. "You have Terry." 

Terry was a cute ladybug pin Jaemin had attached to his backpack along with a multitude of other pins. Yangyang was the one who named it that, for reasons unbeknownst to any of them.

Jaemin laughed at that, the sound like archaic harmony to Donghyuck's ears. He wanted to furl into his warmth, play with the loose strands of pink hair tickling his peripheral, but he held himself back. 

"If I could have any animal as a pet, it'd be a bat," Donghyuck commented.

"Buy a baseball bat and name it Jerry," Jaemin deadpanned, and although it wasn't funny in the slightest Donghyuck still found himself creasing up; Jaemin's hair bobbed along with the motion of Donghyuck's shoulders.

"No, but seriously, bats are cute. Or a cat."

Jaemin divulged a soft hum. "I don't really like cats, but Jeno's are cute. I could get behind it." 

"Seol is the cutest," Donghyuck preened.

" _Haena_ is the cutest." Haena was Jeno's dog and Jaemin was _wrong_. "I can't believe he got a samoyed before me."

"Sucks to suck, Na."

Jaemin head-butted Donghyuck's arm but kept his head leant against his shoulder. Donghyuck selfishly gave in — he tangled his fingers in the hairs at the base of Jaemin's neck, and he melted into the touch. He combed his fingertips through the strands contentedly. 

There was something about the atmosphere, the nostalgia of gazing at sunflowers with his hands in Jaemin's hair, the soft synchronicity of their deep, aligned breathing. Something that made Donghyuck's heart fumble in its step in a startlingly familiar way. 

Something like serendipity.

~*~

They were in the middle of watching Into The Spider-Verse for the seventh time — side-by-side on Jaemin's bed, backs against the headboard, legs outstretched — when Jaemin turned to look at him and asked, "Have you ever kissed anyone before?" to which Donghyuck's heart promptly malfunctioned and crashed to a stop in the pit of his stomach.

Donghyuck froze. "No." He took a second to regain focus, darkness unfurling from the corners of his vision. He remembered Jaemin's admission from the party, and decided that now was a better time than any to bring it up. "Who did _you_ kiss?"

"...I didn't."

Donghyuck whipped his head around to look at Jaemin. He couldn't help the way his brows furrowed in confusion. "You di—But you said, at my party..."

"I-I felt awkward. Admitting it. It's stupid, I know," Jaemin confessed sheepishly. The light of the television screen illuminated the edges of his face, made his hair look orange, but his eyes were stark white as he blinked at Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck gulped. He sometimes let slip the fact that even the most outwardly perfect people had insecurities of their own. It was hard to imagine, especially since Donghyuck only saw the good and was too caught up wishing he could be like them. But insecurity was universal, he already knew that. He _knew_ Jaemin had a penance for getting nervous over certain things, like people idolising him or hyping him up undeservedly... Kissing definitely wasn't something he'd ever assume Jaemin would worry about. 

"Oh." 

Silence ensued and Donghyuck's heartbeat quickened with each passing second. They'd encroached on something unfamiliar and he didn't know what to say or do. It was unsettling.

"I guess that's why I poked fun of you being inexperienced, to hide that I was basically the same," Jaemin murmured. "I'm sorry."

Donghyuck's lips curled downwards and he reached out tentatively to pat Jaemin's leg. "No, I get it." He left a subtle pause for Jaemin to pick up, verbosely if he so wished.

"I just never felt like dating, never have. I'm trying to get my GPA up for college, picking up new hobbies, y'know? I wouldn't really know how to approach a girl if I tried."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't be any help with that," Donghyuck scoffed.

Jaemin broke into a grin and Donghyuck smiled, too. He turned back to the movie, thankful that the awkward energy in the room had subsided. He could feel Jaemin's eyes lingering and it made him conscious of every blink, every inhale, every microscopic movement. 

"You could be."

Donghyuck turned his head slowly. "What?"

Jaemin laughed awkwardly, pressing the side of his head against the headboard despairingly. It was endearingly alluring. "We could... y'know."

"Could...?"

"I mean." He coughed, his smirk slipping from his face. Donghyuck watched on as Jaemin writhed under is gaze. He had no time to brace himself for Jaemin's next utterance: "Kiss." 

Donghyuck practically spluttered. Red-hot magma convulsed in shockwaves from his heated cheeks to his lower stomach like a punch to the gut.

"Do you _know_ how many Bro Code regulations that breaks?" he stammered, half-joking to ease the severity of the emotions entwined tightly around his neck. 

Jaemin grinned, revealing his alluringly pretty teeth. Donghyuck focused on his nose, not wanting him to think he was looking at his lips. He wondered whether Jaemin felt the weight of his gaze, the intermittency of his thoughts.

"I just... got to thinking about it."

"Kissing me?" Donghyuck deadpanned blearily.

" _No_ , kissing in general," Jaemin revolted.

"Jaem. Every girl at school is in love with you, y'know?" He let out a depleted, if self-conscious laugh. "You don't have to succumb to kissing _me_." His internal word choice was more akin to 'pitying me', since he figured that was half of Jaemin's fuel. 

"Are you suggesting you're a terrible kisser?" Jaemin teased. Donghyuck wanted to knock the light out of his face, but he also desperately wanted to kiss him now.

He huffed. "No—I don't know? It's just... weird. That you'd ask me of all people."

This was an opportune moment, yet he was _torn_. One half of him wanted to let his act up, give into Jaemin selfishly and submit to the consequences of their actions. The other half was too shy, too hopeless, and knew there was no going back from this — for him, at least. It felt like a strange imbalance of power, to give into Jaemin's idea for self-gain, and Donghyuck found it just as shitty as controlling his actions via his book. Both of them did nothing but prevail Donghyuck's own desires, and yet here Jaemin was, offering, and Donghyuck found it hard to act selflessly when all he wanted was to reach out. 

"Yeah..." Jaemin shrugged. "I mean. Neither of us have had our first kiss, we're both practically soulmates _and_ I've seen your nipples... It's practically fate."

"You're so fucking weird," Donghyuck groaned, head still lagging behind at the word 'soulmates'. 

"We don't have to, I was merely suggestin—"

"No, I'm down."

"You are?"

Donghyuck didn't know, he was starting to panic. His chest was pooling warm beneath his t-shirt, or maybe it was a heart attack, heart hammering harshly behind his ribcage. He agreed purely out of instinct because his stupid brain wouldn't let him say no. And now he was truly, mercilessly fucked. 

"When have I ever not gone along with the dumb shit you do?" Donghyuck baited. Jokes. He could joke. He subtly withdrew a long breath. 

"Touché."

Jaemin reached out to grab the remote and turned the volume down. It made Donghyuck's heartbeat more prominent between his ears. 

"Shall we, like, do it now?" Jaemin asked. His face had paled dramatically. Contrastingly, Donghyuck was pretty sure he was the colour of a tomato as he nodded in response.

Jaemin perched a cautious leg in front of him before kneeling closer, and every muscle in Donghyuck's face flinched. The two of them stared at each other silently, as though daring the other to make the first move. Donghyuck didn't look anywhere but Jaemin's eyebrows out of fear that the ordeal would become more intimate than intended. His heartbeat was already erratic. 

Jaemin drew ever closer and mirrored Donghyuck's cross-legged position. Even the mere touch of their knees brushing against one another had Donghyuck on edge. Fuck. The feeling of being so close to something tremendous but not daring to take that final step into the unknown was devastatingly protrusive. He just wanted it to be over with already, before his heart failed. Before he ran away and never spoke to Jaemin again. He inhaled, reminded himself to treat this as nonchalantly as possible as not to give away the fact that he'd wanted to do this for a significantly long time. 

"I'm gonna do it."

His lungs deflated.

Jaemin leant forward. Donghyuck braced himself by fluttering his eyelids shut. Jaemin pecked his lips once — Donghyuck didn't dare peek — then drew in again, pressing his lips against Donghyuck's for a few beats before moving them ever so slightly. Donghyuck memorised the groove and parted his lips to retaliate, clumsily at first. It took them a short while to get the gist, and it was awkward during the intervals where their lips were hardly moving and their chins bumped, but they ultimately moved in a way that felt right. His lips wilted like flower petals against Jaemin's touch, flourishing and quivering in intersecting motions. 

Jaemin finally drew back, breathless, and Donghyuck did the same. His eyes were still squeezed shut and he was scared to open them. Hot white, blinding euphoria sat at the forefront of his vision. 

"That wasn't so bad, now, was it?"

Donghyuck clutched Jaemin's bedsheets between his fingers, jaw slack. He peeled open his eyes, blinked away the sight of Jaemin's plump cherry lips and stuttered some sort of sarcastic response that he himself couldn't even comprehend. 

That was perhaps the most recklessly terrifying thing he'd ever done. Yet simultaneously, the best thing ever felt.

Jaemin poked the mole by Donghyuck's cheekbone, then returned to his original position like nothing had happened. The increasing volume of Into The Spider-Verse was too loud against Donghyuck's eardrums.

~*~

"Hey, come look at this."

Whenever Donghyuck and Jaemin chilled at Hyuck's place, they always seemed to fall into the same routine of working silently at opposite ends of the room, whether it be school work or writing or drawing. That was how they were now, Donghyuck flat on his front atop his bed with a plain pink notebook laid out in front of him whilst Jaemin scribbled away at his desk to beguile time. He hadn't really been focused on writing though, too fixated on the awkward quiet between them, toying with unspoken memories from days gone.

At Jaemin's beckon, Donghyuck scrambled into a sitting position. Jaemin lifted up his sketchbook, and Donghyuck gaped at it.

There, eloquently scribbled across an a5 piece of paper, was Donghyuck's face with a giant sunflower in the background. When Donghyuck veered off the bed to get a better look, he noticed that Jaemin had made a point to go over his moles darkly with pencil. He had been practising a lot recently and it showed through each delicate line and dot. Donghyuck flushed with pride, delighted to have been drawn. The drawing wasn't perfect by any means, but it was beautiful, and Donghyuck found himself hoping that it was how Jaemin perceived him — that perhaps Jaemin saw him as a piece of art, or worthy of being such.

"It's beautiful, Jaem," he praised gleefully. He wanted to reach out and trace it with his fingers, but the thick pencil strokes would surely smudge across the page if he tried.

Jaemin's eyes flickered from Donghyuck to his drawing, and Donghyuck tenderly watched the way his dark lashes fluttered over his cheeks. "Yeah, I suppose so." 

~*~

Days passed before any mentions of kissing were brought up. Donghyuck figured that they'd cease to ever mention it again; the assumption was both despairing and a relief, for a multitude of reasons. Mainly due to the fact that, after kissing Jaemin once, he craved more.

However, a few days later, out in Jaemin's pool after a lengthy conversation about Jaemin's birthday plans for the month after, the boy in mention suddenly swam to a stop in front of Donghyuck in all his sopping wet glory. He moved aside a portion of wet hair cascading across his forehead. His roots were starting to grow back and the pink had faded substantially into a pale peach colour, but he still looked as pretty as ever. Donghyuck had always thought he was pretty.

The next thing Donghyuck felt was Jaemin gently taking ahold of the fabric of Donghyuck's tee underneath the water. The gentle tug at the fabric wasn't anything suggestive, but it undeniably made Hyuck's heart drop to his pelvis.

"You don't have to keep wearing shirts around me, y'know?" 

"I know," Donghyuck replied weakly. His tee was white, semitransparent and practically glued to every curve of his figure, but he found he didn't care so much anymore. Not in the presence of Jaemin, at least. 

Jaemin dropped the fabric and it floated down through the water. Donghyuck expected the connection to end there, for Jaemin to step back, but his feathery touch remained by Donghyuck's hip. An electric bolt ricocheted through his spine when Jaemin's fingertips travelled up the waistband of Donghyuck's shorts and fluttered lightly across the bare skin of his hip.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, as nonchalantly as ever. Donghyuck's breath hitched in his throat at the brash display of confidence.

"Kiss me?"

Jaemin nodded, just like that, no explanation given, with his bottom lip pulled dangerously between his teeth. 

Donghyuck turned as far around as he could without withdrawing from Jaemin's touch — despite the ignition of flames begging him to do exactly that before he turned to ash — and warily eyed the windows of Jaemin's house. Not a silhouette in sight, but he couldn't help but feel exposed.

He'd already decided his answer as soon as Jaemin had uttered the question. He was helplessly inclined to say yes, so that wasn't an issue. 

"I doubt my mom is watching us out of the window," Jaemin huffed. 

"Still..."

"Fine, c'mon." Jaemin waded back through the water and climbed out. Donghyuck traced each indentation of his spine and shoulder blades, the rivulets of water spiralling down his skin, the slight curl of darkened peachy hair slick against the back of his neck. He instinctively followed, shivering as he trailed along the patio drenched in water. Jaemin passed him a dry towel when they entered the house and Donghyuck patted himself dry as best he could, ruffling his hair to make sure it looked okay. Jaemin's hair looked pretty, wavy and disheveled from the water as he towelled it dry with a flex of his arms. Donghyuck felt the nervousness creep back up his throat. 

They dumped their towels on the rack Jaemin had pulled them from and trekked further into the house. They passed the office on their way to the stairs where Jaemin's mother greeted them from behind her desk with an almost replicated smile of Jaemin's. She asked if they needed anything, which Jaemin quickly dismissed, and she nodded and focused her attention back on her laptop. Donghyuck and Jaemin breezed past, Donghyuck's heart racing as he followed the latter upstairs and across the hall until Donghyuck was stood hesitantly by Jaemin's closed bedroom door. Jaemin calmly perched on the edge of his bed, adjacent to the door, and patted the spot next to him.

"Jaemin..."

"Hyuck." Jaemin narrowed his eyes on him and gradually stood from the bed. Donghyuck's hesitance seemed to knock his confidence off-kilter, because he paused and scratched his head awkwardly before coming closer. 

Jaemin was shirtless, but Donghyuck's wet top was clinging against his skin grossly.

"I'm wet," he noted, and Jaemin burst into laugher. Donghyuck blushed too-late at the connotations. 

" _Please_ don't it like say that." Jaemin stroked a hand through wet strands and eyed the room for a solution. He meandered towards his closet, pulled out a random graphic tee and handed it to Donghyuck. They'd shared clothes before but Donghyuck's heart stammered as he took off his wet tee and pulled the dry one over his head. 

"Better?" asked Jaemin, who had stared nonchalantly at his face the entire time he was changing. Donghyuck nodded into the silence that followed.

Stalemate. 

They stood there, awkwardly, and Donghyuck's brain screamed at him to throw caution to the wind.

So he did.

There are few things that Donghyuck would never be able to adequately capture with words: Nostalgia, love, and the way he felt when Jaemin moulded his lips against his. Those were things that you had to experience, that required to be felt before you could even _begin_ to comprehend them. 

Kissing Jaemin was all-consuming. Every single one of Donghyuck's senses were on edge, his nerve endings overwhelmingly sensitive, every subtle touch creating ripples of goosebumps across his skin. When Jaemin tilted Donghyuck's head back slightly with a thumb against his jaw, Donghyuck complied. When Jaemin pulled back for air, Donghyuck did the same.

He tried to blink, but his eyelids felt heavy, like he couldn't concentrate on Jaemin even if he willed it. They tuned in and out of focus at the sight of askew hair and shiny lips.

Jaemin smiled sheepishly, carelessly, and returned to sit on the bed. He invitingly patted that same spot beside him, but this time Donghyuck gave in. Jaemin swung his legs up over the side of the bed to cross his legs and Donghyuck followed suit, facing him. 

"Wait, lemme put on some music."

Jaemin pulled out his phone to play a smooth hip-hop song, Donghyuck grimaced, and that was that. Jaemin tossed his phone aside and leant in.

Things were less tense this time, more natural. The fact that kissing Jaemin was something Donghyuck could now do with a semblance of ease was quite the startling realisation. They started off slower, and every so often Jaemin would breathe out of his nostrils and it'd tickle Hyuck's upper lip, but for the most part it was smooth sailing, nice, perfectly calibrated for the constant humdrum of Donghyuck's heart. 

"Can I try using my tongue?" Jaemin asked the next time he drew back. "I-I watched videos." Donghyuck's cheeks reddened at the thought of Jaemin _preparing_ for this. 

A flustered Jaemin was endearing, and Donghyuck couldn't help but picture him in other scenarios — first dates and gifting flowers and cooking meals and getting married. Jaemin would be the perfect boyfriend, sweet and accommodating and loyal and humorous and adventurous and every other redeeming adjective under the sun. Donghyuck suddenly craved _more_. But all he could have right now was a kiss, and he'd be damned if he let that go to waste. 

"Sure."

The implementation of tongues was... odd. It was a strange feeling, not particularly gross but not exactly pleasant either. Donghyuck was quite frankly lost at first, and the more he fumbled the more embarrassed he became. Jaemin had to pull back at one point to give him exact instructions — nothing domineering, merely shy helpfulness — but after that, things became better. Jaemin's tongue was steady and Donghyuck experimented with it like rolling a hard-boiled piece of candy across his mouth. The kiss was warm, and wet, yet balanced. 

Something switched upon finding that equilibrium. Jaemin's hands moved from Donghyuck's knees to his shoulders, and then they inched carefully up the sides of his face. Hyuck's skin tingled from where Jaemin's fingers rested. They gradually climbed further into his hair, fingers furling around tufts at the back of his head, and Donghyuck mewled at the unexpectedness of it. Jaemin proceeded to stroke through the wet strands; something inside Donghyuck snapped. He had a sudden intense desire to squeeze their bodies into a single entity, sprung forth by some sort of blinding hormonal surge. 

He pressed into the kiss harder and raised to his knees to extend his might, which caused Jaemin to waver. He withdrew his hands from Donghyuck's hair to catch himself, then ultimately seemed to give in and fell backwards onto the bed. Donghyuck followed and flopped over his naked torso; the insinuation of the position made his spine quiver. He clasped their lips back together and let himself melt into the hands that had quickly found his hair again, kissing feverishly until he could no longer breathe. 

He pulled back, mouth agape as he disrelished in the horror of what he'd just done. His eyelids felt heavy as he opened them, head sparse of any redeeming thoughts, and he was met with Jaemin's eyes locked on his like a deer caught in headlights between Donghyuck's arms. 

Jaemin looked dangerous. His damp hair was dishevelled, sprawled across the bedsheets underneath Donghyuck. Soft pants trailed from his lips as his shoulders shuddered into his bedsheets. Donghyuck's mouth went dry at the sight. 

"Damn, you sure had some shit you wanted to get outta your system," Jaemin eventually murmured, and his voice was so unbearably husky. 

Donghyuck panicked. He scrambled off his lap like it was an inferno, landing on Jaemin's phone which he promptly pulled from under him and threw in Jaemin's direction. The music continued to play.

"Don't act like you didn't enjoy it," Donghyuck grumbled finally, rubbing the back of his hand over his lips. 

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." Jaemin smirked. He looked so unbearably smug, so pretty as he stroked his hair back and let his arm go limp above his head, like some sort of fallen angel with lashes stricken black and an unnervingly chiselled physique. Donghyuck didn't _dare_ let his eyes wander down the length of Jaemin's arm to his bare torso. 

Jaemin rolled onto his side, looking up at Donghyuck. "Again?"

Absolutely not. Donghyuck's body was a single touch away from shutting down completely — or reacting against his will in a way that'd definitely out him, at the very least.

"I think you need to get laid," he grunted.

"Maybe next time." Jaemin teased, aggravatingly so. 

Donghyuck emitted a panicked chortle and slapped Jaemin's thigh. He yelped, and the moment was effectively ruined, but it was probably for the best. 

~*~

Donghyuck spent the following two days isolating himself from his friends, making out that he was sick so that he could hide away in his bedroom. 

He'd quickly realised that he was thoroughly fucked. In over his head. Done for. It was hard to convey his exact feelings, he just felt glum. The entire Jaemin situation was catching up with him — Donghyuck _knew_ going into it that kissing your friends was something only dumbasses in unrealistic novels did, yet he self-indulgently went along with it anyway as though the whole ordeal was some clichéd rom-com. Under the pretence that he could ever mean anything to Jaemin. 

Pretence did absolutely _nothing_ in the long-run. Pretence was a temporary illusion, quickly diminished in a moment of realisation wherein you come face-to-face with all those emotions you'd been suppressing, only to promptly veer off into an off-kilter state of morbid regret. He could pretend that everything was okay all he liked, but the reality of the situation was that Jaemin was his best friend, nothing more. The circumstances of their situation were strange, blurred, and the animosity made Donghyuck feel worse, made him feel like he was wandering through a maze with no end.

Had Donghyuck thought about the prospect of Jaemin liking him back? Pondered the instances where Jaemin had initiated contact and laid careful insinuations that he'd thought about kissing him too? Yes. He'd replayed each of those moments every night before bed when there was nothing else to occupy the silence. 

Did he have enough faith in himself to believe that he'd ever have a chance? That Jaemin, who was effortlessly beautiful and charming and well sought after by almost everyone that knew him, would succumb to the likes of his slightly aloof, mediocre, very much _male_ best friend? No. Because Donghyuck wasn't some picturesque love interest, wasn't anything like the Kei in his story, wasn't anything that somebody like _Jaemin_ would ever desire or deserve. He was a pudgy blob of dough that was far too insignificant to fit Jaemin's perfect cookie-cutter mould. 

Donghyuck sensed impending doom. Rather, that doom had already arrived and he was too late to escape, dismantled by its wrath. All Donghyuck felt was ice-cold unpredictability.

~*~

Jeno, bless his animal-kindred soul, had four pets — three cats and a samoyed that Jaemin was both jealous of and besotted with. Jaemin didn't have any pets of his own because his mother was allergic, so he lived vicariously through Jeno. Donghyuck and Jaemin visited Jeno that weekend, laden with pet treats they'd bought from the Walmart near his house. 

(Donghyuck had ultimately given up his ill facade and Jaemin hadn't even questioned it, merely bumped into Donghyuck's shoulder when they met up that morning and went, "I'm glad you're feeling better," with a nonchalant smile. The atmosphere had been off the entire journey to Jeno's house, but Jaemin seemed legitimately clueless about the obvious shift in tension between them. Donghyuck tried his best to keep up the pretence, even still. For Jaemin's sake.)

Haena was happy to be presented with the dog treats, barking excitedly at the sight of the two boys with goodies in hand. Donghyuck liked to rile her up by rattling the packaging, despite getting scared every time the fluffy white dog giddily jumped up in retaliation. He much preferred Jeno's cats — they didn't give a shit and just sniffed at the Walmart bag before stealing away the treats to eat in solitude.

After briefly playing with Jeno's pets, the three of them settled on the sofa in his front room, Haena following and excitedly clamouring to sit with them. Jeno brought her onto his lap and she rested her head against Jaemin's leg, who calmly rubbed behind her ears throughout the first ten minutes of a Black Mirror episode.

The show seemed interesting, and he'd probably have been engrossed in it if not for the prominence of Jaemin nestling his head on his shoulder. Then, Jaemin's hands settling around his waist. 

Donghyuck had always been the physically clingy one — before he'd caught stupid feelings and restricted himself, that was — so being side-cuddled by Jaemin in front of Jeno was... new. Almost unwelcomely so, given the fact that Jaemin was being so naively gregarious in a time when all Donghyuck craved was space—was invisibility, to be ignored until he got over himself. 

They stepped into the kitchen after the episode had ended (Donghyuck learned that it was named Hang The DJ, and he had absolutely loved it). Jeno grabbed them some fruit to snack on and Donghyuck sat on one of the tall stools as he ate. Jaemin remained stood, talking animatedly about something that Donghyuck blocked out, lips stained with remnants of strawberry. 

Jeno began to talk about Yeeun and their impending one month anniversary. Donghyuck blocked that out, too, even though he'd been invested in Jeno's love life from the start and was the one that told him to ask her out to begin with. Workmates, to friends, to lovers — Donghyuck envied the simplicity.

"Are you okay?" Jeno asked after a bit, focusing his attention on Donghyuck. 

He gave a curt nod. 

Jaemin came closer and wrapped his arms around Donghyuck's shoulders. He was warm, smelt like washing detergent and cool air. Donghyuck fought the will to lean into the touch.

"You sure?" he asked.

Donghyuck nodded again. Jaemin gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.

Jeno watched all of this unfold with wide eyes as he rubbed an abundance of dog hairs from his trousers. "Y'all are being odd today," he commented, pausing his brush-down to squint at them. 

"Odd how?" Jaemin asked. Donghyuck could already feel his own face heating up.

"I don't know," he incredulously replied. "Couple-y." 

Jeno grinned as though he was in on some inside joke, and Donghyuck revolted from Jaemin's touch. 

The comment didn't deter Jaemin from cuddling against Donghyuck's side even harder throughout the next episode.

~*~

" _Couple-y_ , huh?"

The sun was shielded by the horizon, casting a warm purple haze against the street guiding the way back from Jeno's house. There were quite a few cars out venturing in the late evening, and the red, amber and greens of distant traffic lights bled out across Donghyuck's vision due to his warmth-instilled lack of focus and the bleary headache he'd acquired from sitting in front of Jeno's television all afternoon.

And then there was Jaemin, walking at a matched pace by Donghyuck's side, bringing up the one subject that fried his brain more than the sun. 

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You _know_ what."

It hurt him to finally put a stop to whatever strange, 'platonic' flirting they'd been up to, but it was taking a toll on his well-being, driving him irrevocably mad. He couldn't pretend to go along with it anymore even if he wanted to. He was _gay_ , and despairingly in love with his best friend, and things were a lot different for him than they were for Jaemin.

"The couple thing?" Jaemin asked meekly.

Donghyuck came to a standstill in the middle of the street and waited until Jaemin turned around confusedly to face him. It felt like time withered in slow motion as he stood there boring holes into Jaemin's forehead, willing the words he wished to say to materialise. 

Even when laden heavy on his tongue, the sentence took a world of force to push out.

"I like you."

"I like you too."

"I'm being serious, Jaemin," Donghyuck whined, gripping the plastic Walmart bag tightly in his fist. It drooped low, brushing against the tarmac as Donghyuck stood there guardedly.

"So am I." The bag dropped lower. 

"That's not what I mean. You _know_ what I mean."

Jaemin blinked. He hesitantly looked around before murmuring, "I _like_ you, Hyuck." The plastic bag felt like it was cutting into his circulation. He looked across Jaemin's face for any signs of trickery and drew a blank. 

In lieu of the rejection he'd always assumed he would receive, he was given... an admission? 

Donghyuck felt torment in place of relief, because now he was more lost than ever. The maze he was in had subsided into a massive whirlpool and he was about to sink, but in the meantime Jaemin was stood there looking at him expectantly, _fondly_.

"I don't think we should talk about this here," Donghyuck said, finally tuning in the sound of tyres skidding across pavement a mere metre from them.

"Your place? My place?"

Donghyuck didn't know whether either of his parents would be home, but he felt more comfortable having the discussion in _his_ space. They walked there silently, shoulders brushing with every step, and Donghyuck's dread gradually settled into anticipation. 

~*~

"So..."

"So."

They sat side-by-side on Donghyuck's bed, back against the wall. No touching, no eye contact, zilch.

"When you say _like_ —"

"I mean _like_ ," Jaemin confirmed. Donghyuck exhaled.

"How long?" Donghyuck asked. His voice almost betrayed the unbothered facade he was trying to keep up.

The fabric of Jaemin's jacket rustled against the wall as he shrugged.

"It's because we kissed, isn't it?" Donghyuck asked instead.

"No, not just that. I _wanted_ to kiss you," he admitted.

The second they had locked lips, the distinction between friendship and romance had blurred. Donghyuck knew that. He just had no idea that maybe Jaemin knew that too. Donghyuck had somewhat made peace with his feelings a long time ago, but the thought of Jaemin harbouring similar feelings was the one thing he'd never allow himself to believe.

"Maybe I even wanted to back when I first kissed you on the cheek," Jaemin teased.

"No, you didn't." Donghyuck grinned.

"No, I didn't," Jaemin agreed with a chuckle. "But maybe it was fate."

"You think my Jiji notebook is a proclamation of _fate_?" Donghyuck uttered.

"It's a more likely theory than you being a witch."

"Touché." He quite liked the sound of that. Fate. Very storybook. Very _him_. And Jaemin proclaiming their relationship as such was like music to his ears.

"I think I've liked you for a while," Jaemin lamented. Donghyuck's heart thudded.

"You seem far too unbothered by the fact..." 

"Why should I be bothered?" Jaemin asked. Donghyuck sensed eyes on him. "I've known you my whole life."

"Exactly. _Me_ , a _boy_ , your _best friend_."

"Don't _you_ also like _me_ , your male best friend?" Jaemin retorted. 

"That's different, dumbass. You've never—We've never..."

"Spoken about my sexuality?" Jaemin finished.

" _Exactly_ ," Donghyuck repeated, flustered.

Jaemin shuffled into Donghyuck's peripheral, tilted slightly on his side so that he could focus on Hyuck as he spoke softly. "Look. I've always known you were gay. And I—But it—" He let out a frustrated sigh and Donghyuck turned to watch him as he dragged his fingers through his hair. Donghyuck wanted to reach out to brush the corners of his frown upwards. "I guess I've just never really thought about my own sexuality because I've never really had a relationship? I've gotten so used to gaining attention from everyone and inevitably ignoring it. I've always been so focused on myself and getting through the present that I never really thought much about the future. I never wanted to be restricted. So I guess when you started acting weird—" 

"I was _not_ acting weird," Donghyuck scoffed.

"You've kinda been obvious this past month or so," Jaemin offered kindly, causing Donghyuck to doubt everything he'd ever done. "It really made me think." His hands brushed Donghyuck's kneecap. "I don't have a-a— _label_ for... what I am, but living in the moment is what I _do_ , and in this moment I like you. _A lot_. I don't know how it happened," he said teasingly, one corner of his mouth lilting, "But I figured that this was one of those things where, like, if I had a chance, I should take it."

Donghyuck bit his inner cheek, positive he'd cry if he didn't. He repeated the action, this time to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He wasn't. This was reality, and Donghyuck's heart was beating like a freight train, and he was quite frankly terrified by his own immobility,

Jaemin must have sensed his change in demeanour because he shuffled closer and took Donghyuck's right hand in his. 

"Am I dreaming?" Donghyuck whispered.

Jaemin let out a breathy laugh, calmly stroking Donghyuck's hand with his thumb. "No."

"I don't know how you're taking all of this in your stride," he finally said. 

Donghyuck was an absolute mess when he first came to terms with his sexuality. He hid it for a long while out of fear of losing his friends, albeit telling Jaemin was perhaps one of the easiest parts of the whole ordeal. Donghyuck teared up whenever he thought about it now, about how terrified and helpless he had felt only to be met with comforting arms and reassurance. Having Jaemin on his side — _Na Jaemin_ , his best friend and confidant, resoundingly perfect and loved by all — gave him the strength to tell the rest of his friends. He only lost one. Telling his parents was by far the hardest part, but of course Jaemin was there for that, too. He had always been Donghyuck's one true constant.

Jaemin shrugged and mulled it over for a few seconds before answering. "I have it good, I know that. I'm one of the lucky ones." He rested his head in the crook of Donghyuck's neck, faint scent of coconut prominent in his hair. "I don't care about what people think of me, and my family are open and loving so I'll have a solid support system no matter what." He ghosted his free hand so gently across Donghyuck's bare knee that it felt like flurry of breeze. "Besides, I have you." 

Jaemin had always had him.

"Is this your way of asking me out? Because it sucks," Donghyuck joked. He was probably jumping the gun but he didn't specifically care. Not right now.

"Of course not, you deserve better than that."

"Not really."

" _Yes_ really."

Donghyuck didn't deserve a lot of things, and Jaemin was undoubtedly one of them. 

"Everything about you is perfect," he sighed. It wasn't negative commentary, nor a praise, just a mere comment equally balanced between both sides. 

Jaemin's hand encapsulated Donghyuck's even tighter. He looked up at Donghyuck, face in too-close proximity. Hyuck could feel the swell of breath against his neck, and it made him shiver. "I feel the same about you."

"No, you don't." 

"Hyuck..." Jaemin shuffled back, sat so that he was in front of Donghyuck. His hands found Donghyuck's wrists. "You're amazing. You have great music taste, and you eat the mushrooms off my pizza, you've watched Spider-Verse with me like ten times just because it's my favourite movie, you're an amazing writer, and an even better cuddler, and you take the blame every time we get caught talking in Spanish because you don't want my grades to be lowered—"

Donghyuck went to interject, but Jaemin squeezed his wrists with a sigh.

"It makes me sad when you talk badly about yourself," Jaemin said softly. He swirled his thumb around Donghyuck's palms. "You praise _me_ all the time for being perfect, but _you’re_ the reason for that—You're one that's been by my side all these years, that goes along with the stupid shit I do, that listens to me, that praises my ugly art and makes me feel imp—"

The front door sounded downstairs, effectively reeling them out of their microcosmic dwellings. Tears threatened to spill, but Donghyuck briskly rubbed at his eyes whilst Jaemin was caught up in the commotion. They laughed awkwardly into the silence, and that was that.  


~*~  
  
Donghyuck lamented on the Jiji notebook. He reached an epiphany last night that his two protagonists had technically made it in the end without Donghyuck needing to lift his pen, and it unsettled him. Looking back, it was kind of obvious that he'd subconsciously wrote a love story based on his own feelings for Jaemin — the name Jasmin was literally only one letter away from Jaemin, for god's sake.

Call it fate, call it magic, call it destiny... He felt trapped. 

A knock at his bedroom door startled him from his weary stupor. Jaemin, holding out a packet of Sour Patch Kids with a smile on his face. "Hey, what're you doing?"

"Thinking about how much this book freaks me out," Donghyuck drawled. He groaned into the Chenle-recommended math textbooks on his desk. 

"Scared of fate?"

Donghyuck shook his head. "Scared of the opposite."

Jaemin held out the Sour Patch Kids and they did a swap, Jiji for the candy. Jaemin held the book carefully in his hands, eyes flitting across the illustration of Jiji on the front. 

"Would you like to go out with me?" He asked. For such a sudden, loaded question, he didn't seem to be nervous, he just continued staring intently at the book. When Donghyuck didn't respond, he looked up from behind it. "On a date?"

"A date?" Donghyuck spluttered, immediately thinking about how unfortunate he looked in his pyjama shirt and jeans with a mouthful of Sour Patch Kids.

"Yeah, I have an idea."

Donghyuck felt akin to a parrot as he repeated, "Idea?"

Jaemin opened the book. "I wonder if this still works. I'm sadly not a billionaire yet—You should make me kiss you, find out." 

A grin found Donghyuck's face. Jaemin mirrored it. "You're such a loser."

Jaemin walked over to perch on the desk, legs dangling by Donghyuck's side. He'd recently dyed his hair back to dark brown, though the bleached base meant that his hair was now a golden colour tinged with auburn. 

"So... Your idea?" Donghyuck tapped his fingers against Jaemin's legs and Jaemin placed the notebook atop them.

"Will you ever finish the novel?"

"No?"

"Why?"

Donghyuck sighed. "For one, it sucks. Two, I don't want future to be premeditated." The insinuation that Jaemin was his future was not lost on Donghyuck, whose cheeks heated at the thought. 

Not everything needed a conclusion, sometimes the the best stories are those left ambiguous, Donghyuck had decided. (Though happy endings were good too.)

"So if we were part of a book you wouldn't mind the author just stopping right here?"

"We _are_ part of the book, you dumbass."

Jaemin groaned. "I meant in general, in the story of our lives." 

Donghyuck thought about it. "If it meant full autonomy and an undecided eternity, then yes." 

Jaemin smirked, like he was hoping Donghyuck would say something of the sort. "Then let's burn it!"

"Your idea for our first date is to burn poor Jiji?" Donghyuck exclaimed. Jaemin shrugged. He looked too pretty to deny, although Donghyuck almost felt bad for poor Jiji.

He wrote one last thing in the book before he dumped it into Jaemin's bag, content in never knowing whether it would come true.

Whilst Jaemin booked train tickets — he'd decided that the beach was the best place for a campfire — Donghyuck showered. This time, Donghyuck didn't hesitate to change in front of Jaemin; his eyes were gentle and without judgement. He blowdried his hair, applied some tinted moisturiser and plopped onto Jaemin's lap. Jaemin's arms wrapped around his front — the feeling was still brand new but it was one that Donghyuck would spend a lifetime memorising. 

They bought snacks from a convenience store and then hurried to catch the train. The atmosphere of the train station during the night was much more languid than during the day, people with bolts of elation in dead eyes wandering under artificial yellow light. Each of Donghyuck's senses felt on edge — loud bleeps and the smell of rubber infiltrated his thoughts. 

Jaemin sat opposite him on the train. This time, Donghyuck stared unabashedly. He was visceral even under all the mutilated stretches of purple and yellow light washing over his face in rhythmic blips. A bright eyed, golden haired caricature of beauty.

They hopped off only a few stops in and headed down a sand trail leading through shrubs onto a vast spread of beach. It was late enough to evoke the moon's presence, but not enough that they couldn't see. They settled themselves just a bit away from where the tide met the ocean, the first offerings of completely dry sand. Since it was late, it was cooler, so they'd made sure to bring spare hoodies in Jaemin's backpack, along with ingredients to try and attempt to make s'mores over a campfire.

"I _think_ this is legal," Jaemin muttered as he started the fire. Donghyuck chuckled and left him to it, zoning out amidst the specks of glittering stars. 

The small fire grew into a crimson-sienna blend and the tips flickered white. It looked prettier than it smelled. 

"Would you like to do the honours?" Jaemin asked, procuring the Jiji notebook from his bag in one big motion. Donghyuck took it from him and pressed a kiss to the cat. Jaemin did too, in the same spot, and Donghyuck giggled at him. "I feel like I'm about to do some sorta ritual..."

" _Now_ who's the witch?"

"Still you." Jaemin grinned, passed the book back to Donghyuck. The fire captured the highlights of his face in an ivory glow. "Here's your black cat, witchy baby."

Donghyuck keened at the pet name but swatted Jaemin's hands nonetheless. He gave one final, long-lasting glance at Jiji, outlining each detail of the artwork in memorisation. With Jaemin's hand on his thigh for support, Donghyuck gave a ceremonious toss and let the book be demolished by flames. 

He wouldn't miss the feeling of pre-determined fate, not really.

Jaemin took the marshmallows out of his backpack, passed Donghyuck one attached to a skewer. They clinked them together in celebration, gooey ingredients sticking together.

"Your idea of a date is definitely something," Donghyuck commented. He laughed aloud through a mouthful of marshmallow at the entire situation, wondered what the other beach-goers must've thought of them. It was sort of ridiculous, but he was highly enamoured.

"Cute, no?"

"Oh, definitely." He looked to Jaemin, to his glistening eyes and warm skin bitten pink by the moonlight, to those damned pretty lashes and ample lips pulled into a smile. "Though I'd love to skip to the part where you officially ask me out." He licked the tacky sweetness of his lips as Jaemin's smile expanded ever wider.

Jaemin coughed, soft expression mutilating into fake-seriousness. He put on a stern voice to match. "Lee Donghyuck, the William Shakespeare of our time, my lovely Sunflow—"

Donghyuck leant in before he could finish his dumbass speech. Jaemin's nose was cold against his, his cheeks similarly cool as Donghyuck reached up to trace the curve of his cheekbone. Donghyuck pressed forward, lips melding together into serene warmth, and they kissed for what felt like eternity until Donghyuck heard voices in the distance and pulled away shyly. Jaemin blinked back a tender smile, and Donghyuck was close enough to see the flicker of fire enclosed by his wide eyes.

"I've been wanting to kiss you ever since I confessed," Jaemin said amidst a burst of exhalation. "It feels better now."

Donghyuck didn't know what to say, still shivered at the prospect of Jaemin wanting _anything_ from Donghyuck. He rested his head against Jaemin's shoulder.

"I love you," Jaemin murmured.

And it wasn't a revelation, wasn't the epitome of a storybook true love. It was just Jaemin, who had loved Donghyuck for most of his life. 

"I love you too." 

They settled side by side in contentment, imploring the crashing of waves in synchronised breaths. 

"What are you planning to do after high school?" Jaemin asked after a while. 

"I don't know."

"Me neither."

Donghyuck worried about it lot, felt dread whenever he thought about it. He knew creative writing was a difficult field to prosper in, that he'd have to work hard to find his voice, but it was definitely what he wanted to do, despite his parents wanting him to go into journalism or technical writing. If he wanted a degree to help him, he'd probably be fine acquiring one, he just hated the thought of being away from his family and friends to pursue it.

"Adventurous suits you," Donghyuck noted. "I have utmost faith you'll become a billionaire someday." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I know we won't ever lose contact. But I'm scared, now more than ever, of losing you," Jaemin murmured. His tenderness still shocked Donghyuck, though he knew that there was more of that to explore.

More of _them_ to explore.

"You never will," he replied. "Especially if you become a billionaire." Jaemin chuckled heartily, Donghyuck following, but the former sentiment remained.

They were one of the same, though perfect contrasts. Donghyuck has always thought so, and it had always remained true. Wherever the wind took them, they'd be alright, like sunflowers wilting into the winter wilderness only to find their way back as the horizon expelled a canary yellow luminosity. 


End file.
